Archive for June, 2010

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All We Need Is Love

June 30, 2010

Everyone knows of this word, “love”. Some use it quite easily and others struggle to say the word. Some mistake lust as love and others know the difference between the two. Ah-ah! Sit down, I’m not ranting about jerks who are sex-fiends and can’t commit to real relationships. That’s been overdone. :-p

No, I’m sitting here and thinking that there are so many different types of love in the world. I often get upset and highly annoyed, when people mistake close friendships as a sexual thing. There is more to love than just sex, which I thought would be obvious to anyone. I mean, most of us love our parents, our siblings, our children, our household pets…. but that doesn’t mean that we want to have sex with them. Seesh! :-/

But love is deeper than flesh, I believe. It’s a soul thing. And who we love can be a choice, but it also cannot be helped, at the same time. Love is a very complex thing. It can also be confusing and contradicting too… not to mention painful, at times. We’ve all experience heartbreak in our lives, and some have experienced it more than others. I am grateful that I haven’t experience heartbreak too many times…. not yet. ;-)

There is romantic love, of connecting to a person on a emotional and physical level, pairing up with the hopes of carving out a life together. And yes, some people are not monogamous or want a long term relationship, only enjoying the physical level of romantic love. But, I’m not here to judge or to comment on that. Most people, myself included, look for the whole package of romantic love. And that’s the only thing  that I care to dwell on, is the whole deal that comes with romantic love, not just the sex.

There is Family love, the bound of kinship. Not every family gets along with each other. There are a few relatives in my family, that I don’t care to be around or like, that’s for sure! But of the many relatives that I do like, and love being around, there is a unspoken bound there. It’s basically genetics, this awesome realization that a person is of my blood and vice versa, a mirror into my own habits and quirks. There may not be a lot of people out there, in the world, who can really understand why I don’t like syrup on my eggs or bacon. I must eat those items first before I pour syrup on my pancakes, because if any syrup lands on the bacon or eggs, I can’t eat it. But, my aunt who keeps her food separate on her plate too, will understand this quirk more. ;-)

Love (or Empathy) for others. Just general care and kindness, for others you don’t know, strangers. When a person is thoughtful enough to hold a door open for someone else, or help a person with their bags, or donate to a charity, these are examples of love. This more true, if a person helps their fellow human being for no particular reason, only for the sake of helping! Of course, some argue that people only help to feel a boost of pride for themselves or to follow some religious doctrine. Maybe that is true, for some. But the fact is, to care for another, who is a complete stranger, is a sign of love.

Of course, there is Friendship love, which I post about… A LOT. It always irks me when I have to explain that it’s not a sexual thing, having a close friend. Actually, close friendships have a similar feeling of family to them. The only difference is, the persons involved in this relationship are not blood-related or share genes. But this is an important relationship in life, nonetheless. Good friendships can benefit all the rest of the relationships, between family and a significant other. When you have a good friend in the world, you are happier and more positive, which some of that energy falls onto the rest of the people around you. :-)

There is Puppy love, and no, this isn’t about household pets! It’s basically an crush on a person, like I have for Keanu Reeves. It starts at a very young age (mine started when I was 12 years old!) and it’s highly superficial. I don’t know the actor’s personal faults (He has none, as far as I’m concerned!!!! So there!!!!), therefore the love that I feel for him isn’t real at all. You can’t really love a person, without knowing and accepting their faults too. Even though I have loved this man for YEARS, I do know that it’s highly superficial. I believe that his acting is great, that he is highly attractive, and any other charms that is perceived are from fiction  (the characters that he plays) rather than fact. Yes, I admit it… my love for Keanu is shallow, at best. :-p

There are many kinds of love in life. It can be the greatest feeling in the world! It can also make you miserable. Love can make you smile and it can make you cry. Love can be comforting, but it can also hurt sometimes. Either way, I don’t regret my experiences in love. :-)

-D

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Religion vs Spirituality

June 29, 2010

First of all, I am Pagan, more so into the Wicca part of Paganism. I wasn’t born or raised Pagan, but I was raised Christian. I became an Ordained Christian Minister at one point, in my past. But, it simply wasn’t the religion for me and I found Wicca at age twenty-two. I’ve never looked back since and enjoy my newfound spirituality. :-)

Though, many seem to believe that Pagans are anti-religious, against anything that doesn’t fit under the Paganism umbrella tree. But that’s a huge myth! Actually, Pagans respect other religions more than anyone else. The reason why is, we have a view that no religion is the one TRUE religion, not even our own. We ALL could be wrong, in any and all religions, OR we ALL could be right. But the main idea is, if a religion isn’t harmful to others or have an doctrine of causing harm to others, then each to his or her own. And almost all religions have the doctrine of love, peace, kindness, and helping thy neighbor. No Pagan would take issue with that. :-)

However, religious doctrine is one thing and extremists are another. And anyone, who is wise enough, can separate the two. I tolerate and respect most religions… but I don’t tolerate or respect fanatics! The attacks in New York,  9-11, was done by religious fanatics. Not Muslims. The Qur’an, the holy book of Islam, does not teach murder or harm to others. So many of us are smart enough to realize that terrorists are terrorist, not a real religion. One doesn’t have anything to do with another. If a crazy man claimed to be the son of God, murdered a lot of people, we wouldn’t then say that all Christians were bad and that Jesus is evil. That wouldn’t make any sense! :-/

When it comes to religion, any of them, there is always some oddball who will mix up the teachings and run something good into the extreme opposite. But this is what sociopaths do and it’s best for people to realize that one (or a small group of) bad apples doesn’t speak for millions.

There are also many who don’t claim themselves to belong to any particular religious group. They claim themselves as “Spiritual, but not religious”. Which I can understand completely. Some view that these people are anti-religious too, but I know better! It’s not always the case that Spiritual people do not like religion itself or have an issue with organized religion. Sometimes a person is just happy with their spiritual state and have no need to attach it to a religion.

Spirituality means to experience the ultimate reality or path in ones life. And that can easily be achieved, without any aid of religion, as spiritually is the “body” and religion is the “house”. We are born with a body, of course, but a house is always optional. :-p

The difference between the two are, Spirituality is natural. We all have it inside of our souls, it’s the passion and drive, the essence of our values and core beliefs. Religion is a written guide, that tells a person what to have passion about, what to believe in, and what to follow. Some of us need the direction and clues of religion… while others are capable on their own, with just Spirituality alone. :-)

Either way, it’s all good, to me. ;-)

-D

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Finding Yourself

June 28, 2010

In life, people like to judge each other. Some people take the judgments of others to heart, like holy writ, and they become the labels of what others insist on them. In other words, if one is labeled a “loser”, then sometimes the person will become just that. Not because the person is generally a loser, or have a loser-type personality or actions, but because one or more bullies TOLD and convinced that person it was true. :-/

I have lived most of my life, believing that myself – what makes me ME- was seriously flawed. I believed that I was “stupid”, “ugly”, “corny”, “a loser”, “unwanted”,  and “unlovable”. Yet these were never my own ideas of myself, but what OTHERS had convinced me of. I tried to live my life, in stuffing myself into roles and ideas, that everyone else around me said I should have and believe in. I believed the lies of my bullies and felt lower than a animal. And it was several years of my life, from age 6 until age 27, that I had suffered with low self-esteem and self hatred. :-(

Finally, I sought help for my depression, which depression only makes low self-esteem a hundred times worse. And with therapy and getting past my depression, I was able to began looking into myself… What did I think of me? What did I really like to do and what were my interests? What was my real views and core beliefs? Who did I wish to be, based on myself and not on what others say I should wish to be?

I took a personal inventory of what I felt was my positive traits and my negative ones. Which wasn’t easy to do, because I had to first toss away what OTHERS thought and expressed was my negative and positive traits. This was going to be my own judgment solely! And with some effort, I was able to make a list on what I truly thought and felt about ME. :-)

For the negative traits, I sorted out what I wish to change and what I couldn’t change, but can live with. I began to embrace the fact that no one is perfect, not even my past bullies were perfect, and that everyone has flaws. And with the flaws that I can not change (stubbornness, worrisome, eccentric), I began to accept them as part of me, even come to love them. They are my quirks. :-)

For my positive traits, I found that I had a lot more than the OTHERS gave me credit for. Of course bullies are not going to give you high praises, otherwise they would be friendly and kind people, not bullies. And with my new list of all the good things I found out about myself (loyalty, honesty, bravery, curious and wanting to learn), it was easy for me to decide that I wasn’t as bad as the OTHERS claimed I was. :-p

I still struggle with a few negative ideas, that I grew up with, about myself. But many other negative ideas I have long tossed to the side and I’ve made up my own mind on what is true and what is fiction. Bullies are not the most honest people around and they will lie, or exaggerate, in order to harm another person. It’s their job! :-/

But I  am always myself now. I go to sleep at night, knowing that I wasn’t anyone else that day, except for myself. I have that security and confidence, that no matter how bad a day went, I was myself and I did my best. :-)

-D

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Why Settle?

June 26, 2010

While making a statement on a web-community, on how grateful I was to have my best friend in my life (which I need to stop doing, because people don’t give a crap about a positive status on these sites), someone had replied to me that a real close friendship with another is an “luxury” in today’s world. :-/

It got me thinking… I do know how lucky I am, that I have met my best friend in the whole wide world. I know that true friendships do not come easy, for anyone and everyone. And I know this FIRST-HAND, as I have never had a best friend until last year (2009), when I met my current close and spiritual friend. But just because a true friend is hard to come by, these days, does it mean that one should give up and write it off as a “luxury”?

I have settled a lot, in my lifetime, of calling mere acquaintances  my “best friend”. Also, I’ve called two people that I’ve known for ten months, my “close friends”, “best friends”, and “BFFs”. I had chatted with them twice a week on web-cam, as they lived in a different country than me. We had plans to meet and hang out in my city, for an visit, in the summer. We sent each other gifts and cards, back and forth, through snail mail. And even chatted with each other on the telephone, a few long distance calls. Whenever they were down and had an issue, I was there for them! But… whenever I was down and not feeling too well, they would RUN, until I was feeling better again. So, they were fair-weathered friends, whom I put into the “best friend” or “close friend” category. :-(

The honest truth is, I had no idea what true friendship was, because I never had it! So, it is rare to have such a friendship in life. I will never say otherwise. However, to claim that it’s as rare as finding an unicorn is a lot to the extreme and it’s a very defeatist attitude. True friendship is as rare as true love, which doesn’t mean that it doesn’t exist, or “never will happen”. It means, that it takes time, determination, and a little luck, in finding a real person who is willing and compatible in becoming a real friend to you. And in order to gain such a friendship, you must also be willing and compatible with the other person. In other words, to have a true friend, you must BE a true friend. :-)

I have now learned what true friendship means! And I can’t see myself settling and calling an acquaintance or fair-weathered friend more than what they are… not anymore. :-p

The hint of a real and close friendship is, the ability to be yourself, yet the other person accepts you for you anyway. We all have flaws and not all of ourselves will be liked or wanted by others. But, a true friend (an compatible friend) will always accept you for you, and take the good with the bad.  For example….

With my fair-weathered “BFFs”, it was an audible demand that we NEVER have disagreements. Yes, they’ve actually had said so to me, on web-cam, “I hope we never disagree… because that will mean the end of the friendship.” That rattled me and I didn’t want to lose their friendship, so even if I disagreed with something, I would pretend that I didn’t and keep my real feelings to myself. And after ten months of doing this, I finally broke down and disagreed on something with them. The sad thing is, it wasn’t even anything major, something that I won’t rehash here. But because I kept my feelings in for all of those months, I wasn’t going to agree with them now, just to keep the peace! I held my ground,  I wouldn’t waver, I had a disagreement with them. And it was the end of the friendship, too! All because I wouldn’t feel, act, or be the way they wanted me to. I stood up for myself, my thoughts and my honest feelings, and I will never regret that! I do regret that I wasn’t myself SOONER. ;-)

I have long learned, that true friends CAN and DO disagree. And that it never means the end of a friendship. Not for healthy ones, anyways! My best friend and I argue all the time and we always work it out, even if it’s to “agree to disagree”. A difference in views, or tiny quirks, a flaw here or there, is never a good reason to end a friendship… that is, if the friendship is real in the first place and not an wishy-washy one. :-p

Even if my best friend and I should drift apart, turn on each other in a death-match battle, or break up over something tragic… I know for a fact that I’ll never settle for less than what we had together, for any friendship, ever again. I have had a taste of true friendship and what it means, feels, and smells like (Mmm… smells like victory)! And I don’t see any reason why I should ever settle for calling an acquaintance my “best friend”. So, for me, what I have with my best friend is not a “luxury” … True friendship is a “GIFT” and a blessing! :-)

-D

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Smile! :-D

June 25, 2010

You may be wondering… “What’s up with all of the friendship/relationship posting lately?”. Well, friendships and relationships are VERY important to me, so it makes sense that I would write a lot about that. Hey, if it’s not your kind of topic, feel free to not read this blog for a while. Because… I’m just getting started! Muhahahaha! ;-)

I do plan to post many other stories on many other things… some controversial, some not… some fun, some serious, some random. But, my current mood is on writing about friendships and relationships. :-D

So, yes… there is no point to this post. It’s just a “filler”. :-p

SMILE… it looks better on ya! ;-)

-D

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All About Accents

June 23, 2010

Accents do vary from place to place, of course! They are formed by the area of the world a person is born and raised in. Also who a person mainly hangs out with, for long periods of time of their lives, plays a huge factor on how an accent is formed. But the funny thing is, it is VERY possible for a person to evolve into another accent completely, in spite on where they were born and where they grew up. It happens! :-p

For my example, I was born and grew up in Philadelphia, aka: Philly. And this metropolitan city has  it’s own unique accent, just like any other city or town. I grew up with a Philly accent, without even knowing or realizing it, until I’ve talked with people who didn’t live in my city or state. It’s odd, as everyone has an accent, everywhere and anywhere in the world. But we don’t realize it, or get told so, until we’re around others who don’t live in the same state or country as we do. For me, I’m speaking normally and average, but to someone out of state or country, my accent is view as exotic. ;-)

But, in my teens, I began to gain a lot of friends with English accents, as they were from the UK or currently living in England (communicating with me, via web-cam). I fell into that phenomenon of picking up the English accent, not on purpose, but purely by accident! It wasn’t a conscious choice, but it simply just happened one day. After the friendships faded with those in the UK, I did gain back my original Philly-accent. But, parts of the English accent is still stuck with me. It comes and goes, especially when my guard is down, and I’m not consciously trying to suppress the habit. :-/

It is also a habit that shows up in my writing, OFTEN. Mainly because I did have some formal teaching in writing, and most formal teaching is in the style of an English or “posh” accent, by default. Unfortunately, people tend to judge an accent negatively… :-(

With my mixed up accent, created by nature and nurture, I often get the attitude from others accusing that I believe that I am better than others. I do not!  But with the different way and sound of an posh accent, people get the idea that I’m stuffy, arrogant, and self-serving. And I have to laugh, because if anyone knew me -really knew me- they would know I’m the direct opposite of that! :-p

I guess, as humans, people will always judge another on something stupid. It can’t be helped. But, I tend to like ALL accents and I don’t have any negative judgments on any. I do have some judgments, however, though they’re highly positive (for example: “Country accents are WAY sexy! So, people who speak with a twang are honest and sexy people!”). But regardless, it’s  still bias judgments, which have gotten me in trouble in the past too. :-/

I’ve learn to try to ignore accents now and get to know each person, as an individual, just like I would like to be treated! I hate that people misjudge me, due to my English accent habit. And I wouldn’t like anyone to judge me on my Philly-accent either! I rather a person judge me on ME and not the way I pronounce or write down words. :-p

-D

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Jealousy, Trust, Envy, Greed

June 22, 2010

We all have felt this before… Our best friend has a great time with another friend, and we jump to the thought, “They don’t need me anymore. The other friend is better!”. Or something makes our significant other smile, but that something is another person, item, or event. And it doesn’t directly tie back to us. So we believe that our mate would rather be without us and are happier with another person, thing, or event. :-/

It’s called “jealousy”, plain and simple. We may try to rename it, deny it, justify it, but it’s jealousy all the same! It is our own fear, insecurity, and negative thoughts of losing someone that we love to another person or another situation. And it can cause high anxiety and sometimes panic attacks.

Everyone has been jealous at some point in their lives. Which doesn’t mean this is a good emotion to have, but only that it’s common.  Jealousy can be destructive, causing issues and problems in any relationship, and leading to some unhealthy behaviors too. It all stems from a person’s self-esteem, I believe. The more secure a person is with themselves and abilities, the less chance the person will become jealous of their best friend or mate’s other relationships or hobbies. :-)

Also, a lot of it has to do with trust too. For my past romantic relationships, I was never jealous of my boyfriend’s female friends… as long as it was clear they were strictly friends and nothing sexual was going on between them. I have always took the guy’s word and put trust in them. The way I feel about it, if I can’t trust that my boyfriend won’t have sex with his female friends, then I have no business dating a guy like that in the first place. And he really isn’t someone that I’m looking for or want. If clues suggest that a person is this capable of cheating (and most likely will!), then that’s when it’s time for me to move on! So, I generally trust whomever I date, unless given proof otherwise. ;-)

Not to say I have never been cheated on (I have been, twice, so far)… but others simply didn’t work out, for other and worser reasons. Yes, there are some things far more worse than cheating! :-p

Either way, I don’t have an issue with a significant other having friends or a hobby. HOWEVER…

As for friendships… I have gotten jealous of another, from time to time, worried that I may lose my friend. Then, I usually snap myself out of it, reminding myself that there is only one me… My friends are not going to leave me, unless they’ve never cared for my unique personality in the first place. And if they really do love me for me, they can only experience and enjoy my personality-company from it’s source… ME! So, my friends are free to have other friends and I rarely get jealous or worry they won’t need me anymore.  Meaning, I have and still do get jealous, but not all the time! :-p

But for jealousy and trust in relationships, this is pretty standard and common, in human nature. But as for Envy and Greed,  these are two emotions that have no place in ANY relationship, and they’re quite different than Jealousy. There is a reason why, in some religions, these two emotions are listed as “deadly sins”. :-o

Envy is a beast, plain and simple. And it’s a LOT more destructive than Jealousy could ever be. This is when a person perceives that “the grass is greener on the other side”, that another person has what they want an deserve to have. A person may even perceive that another’s good fortune was gotten in some ill-manner. For example, “She didn’t get such a great husband for being herself or kind to him. She tricked him with her wiles!” And the destruction of an envious person is, they often wish to inflict harm or misfortune on the person they perceive have better fortune. This leads the envious person to having an very unhappy and miserable existence. :-(

Envy is caused by VERY low self-esteem and it’s one of the more uglier emotions in human nature. To snap out of it, it’s best to remember the reality of all things. Nothing in this world is 100% good and happy all the time. Even the coolest, richest, prettiest, and smartest people have their worse times in life too. It may seem like a person has greener pastures, but you may be surprised that the very person you envy may be jealous of something or a person YOU have in your life. ;-)

And then… some people are just greedy! :-o

There is a saying, “Your eyes are bigger than your stomach”. It’s an idiom, that means taking on too much food (with the eyes), piling it on the plate, and it’s WAY too much than a person’s stomach can handle. It’s another way to say a person is greedy. :-p

And much like the food example, some people in life are too greedy in relationships. A person may have a handful of cool people, who like them and support them in all that they do, yet become highly jealous or envious of someone else having one best friend. They have their own circle of friends, yet they want what other person has also. :-/

OR they have the loving husband, the great career, the nice huge house. But they want the car that someone else recently got in their driveway- the single woman, who lives in the small house, who had to work really hard for the car in the first place.

I also believe there are some self-esteem issues there, but mostly greediness. These are the type of people who would wholeheartedly, and without hesitation, brag on how green the grass grows on their side of the fence. Yet, they hate for others to get (or appear to get) just one item or relationship that they don’t have. :-/

I kinda feel sorry for people plagued with these emotions. And the only way to defeat Jealous, Envy, and Greed is to gain better self-esteem and a sense of trust. And these are things that the affected person must want, acknowledge, and take responsibility for. It NEVER works, when a person blames others for their emotions (“if you haven’t did such-and-such, or said so-and-so, then I wouldn’t feel like…”). It comes a time when a person must stand up and work on their own self-esteem, issues, and insecurities.

And the more a person works on and fix their self-esteem, there is a lot less negative emotions  and drama in their life. I’m not only the spokeswoman on this, I’m also a client!  ;-)

-D