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Jealousy, Trust, Envy, Greed

June 22, 2010

We all have felt this before… Our best friend has a great time with another friend, and we jump to the thought, “They don’t need me anymore. The other friend is better!”. Or something makes our significant other smile, but that something is another person, item, or event. And it doesn’t directly tie back to us. So we believe that our mate would rather be without us and are happier with another person, thing, or event. :-/

It’s called “jealousy”, plain and simple. We may try to rename it, deny it, justify it, but it’s jealousy all the same! It is our own fear, insecurity, and negative thoughts of losing someone that we love to another person or another situation. And it can cause high anxiety and sometimes panic attacks.

Everyone has been jealous at some point in their lives. Which doesn’t mean this is a good emotion to have, but only that it’s common.  Jealousy can be destructive, causing issues and problems in any relationship, and leading to some unhealthy behaviors too. It all stems from a person’s self-esteem, I believe. The more secure a person is with themselves and abilities, the less chance the person will become jealous of their best friend or mate’s other relationships or hobbies. :-)

Also, a lot of it has to do with trust too. For my past romantic relationships, I was never jealous of my boyfriend’s female friends… as long as it was clear they were strictly friends and nothing sexual was going on between them. I have always took the guy’s word and put trust in them. The way I feel about it, if I can’t trust that my boyfriend won’t have sex with his female friends, then I have no business dating a guy like that in the first place. And he really isn’t someone that I’m looking for or want. If clues suggest that a person is this capable of cheating (and most likely will!), then that’s when it’s time for me to move on! So, I generally trust whomever I date, unless given proof otherwise. ;-)

Not to say I have never been cheated on (I have been, twice, so far)… but others simply didn’t work out, for other and worser reasons. Yes, there are some things far more worse than cheating! :-p

Either way, I don’t have an issue with a significant other having friends or a hobby. HOWEVER…

As for friendships… I have gotten jealous of another, from time to time, worried that I may lose my friend. Then, I usually snap myself out of it, reminding myself that there is only one me… My friends are not going to leave me, unless they’ve never cared for my unique personality in the first place. And if they really do love me for me, they can only experience and enjoy my personality-company from it’s source… ME! So, my friends are free to have other friends and I rarely get jealous or worry they won’t need me anymore.  Meaning, I have and still do get jealous, but not all the time! :-p

But for jealousy and trust in relationships, this is pretty standard and common, in human nature. But as for Envy and Greed,  these are two emotions that have no place in ANY relationship, and they’re quite different than Jealousy. There is a reason why, in some religions, these two emotions are listed as “deadly sins”. :-o

Envy is a beast, plain and simple. And it’s a LOT more destructive than Jealousy could ever be. This is when a person perceives that “the grass is greener on the other side”, that another person has what they want an deserve to have. A person may even perceive that another’s good fortune was gotten in some ill-manner. For example, “She didn’t get such a great husband for being herself or kind to him. She tricked him with her wiles!” And the destruction of an envious person is, they often wish to inflict harm or misfortune on the person they perceive have better fortune. This leads the envious person to having an very unhappy and miserable existence. :-(

Envy is caused by VERY low self-esteem and it’s one of the more uglier emotions in human nature. To snap out of it, it’s best to remember the reality of all things. Nothing in this world is 100% good and happy all the time. Even the coolest, richest, prettiest, and smartest people have their worse times in life too. It may seem like a person has greener pastures, but you may be surprised that the very person you envy may be jealous of something or a person YOU have in your life. ;-)

And then… some people are just greedy! :-o

There is a saying, “Your eyes are bigger than your stomach”. It’s an idiom, that means taking on too much food (with the eyes), piling it on the plate, and it’s WAY too much than a person’s stomach can handle. It’s another way to say a person is greedy. :-p

And much like the food example, some people in life are too greedy in relationships. A person may have a handful of cool people, who like them and support them in all that they do, yet become highly jealous or envious of someone else having one best friend. They have their own circle of friends, yet they want what other person has also. :-/

OR they have the loving husband, the great career, the nice huge house. But they want the car that someone else recently got in their driveway- the single woman, who lives in the small house, who had to work really hard for the car in the first place.

I also believe there are some self-esteem issues there, but mostly greediness. These are the type of people who would wholeheartedly, and without hesitation, brag on how green the grass grows on their side of the fence. Yet, they hate for others to get (or appear to get) just one item or relationship that they don’t have. :-/

I kinda feel sorry for people plagued with these emotions. And the only way to defeat Jealous, Envy, and Greed is to gain better self-esteem and a sense of trust. And these are things that the affected person must want, acknowledge, and take responsibility for. It NEVER works, when a person blames others for their emotions (“if you haven’t did such-and-such, or said so-and-so, then I wouldn’t feel like…”). It comes a time when a person must stand up and work on their own self-esteem, issues, and insecurities.

And the more a person works on and fix their self-esteem, there is a lot less negative emotions  and drama in their life. I’m not only the spokeswoman on this, I’m also a client!  ;-)

-D

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