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Why Settle?

June 26, 2010

While making a statement on a web-community, on how grateful I was to have my best friend in my life (which I need to stop doing, because people don’t give a crap about a positive status on these sites), someone had replied to me that a real close friendship with another is an “luxury” in today’s world. :-/

It got me thinking… I do know how lucky I am, that I have met my best friend in the whole wide world. I know that true friendships do not come easy, for anyone and everyone. And I know this FIRST-HAND, as I have never had a best friend until last year (2009), when I met my current close and spiritual friend. But just because a true friend is hard to come by, these days, does it mean that one should give up and write it off as a “luxury”?

I have settled a lot, in my lifetime, of calling mere acquaintances  my “best friend”. Also, I’ve called two people that I’ve known for ten months, my “close friends”, “best friends”, and “BFFs”. I had chatted with them twice a week on web-cam, as they lived in a different country than me. We had plans to meet and hang out in my city, for an visit, in the summer. We sent each other gifts and cards, back and forth, through snail mail. And even chatted with each other on the telephone, a few long distance calls. Whenever they were down and had an issue, I was there for them! But… whenever I was down and not feeling too well, they would RUN, until I was feeling better again. So, they were fair-weathered friends, whom I put into the “best friend” or “close friend” category. :-(

The honest truth is, I had no idea what true friendship was, because I never had it! So, it is rare to have such a friendship in life. I will never say otherwise. However, to claim that it’s as rare as finding an unicorn is a lot to the extreme and it’s a very defeatist attitude. True friendship is as rare as true love, which doesn’t mean that it doesn’t exist, or “never will happen”. It means, that it takes time, determination, and a little luck, in finding a real person who is willing and compatible in becoming a real friend to you. And in order to gain such a friendship, you must also be willing and compatible with the other person. In other words, to have a true friend, you must BE a true friend. :-)

I have now learned what true friendship means! And I can’t see myself settling and calling an acquaintance or fair-weathered friend more than what they are… not anymore. :-p

The hint of a real and close friendship is, the ability to be yourself, yet the other person accepts you for you anyway. We all have flaws and not all of ourselves will be liked or wanted by others. But, a true friend (an compatible friend) will always accept you for you, and take the good with the bad.  For example….

With my fair-weathered “BFFs”, it was an audible demand that we NEVER have disagreements. Yes, they’ve actually had said so to me, on web-cam, “I hope we never disagree… because that will mean the end of the friendship.” That rattled me and I didn’t want to lose their friendship, so even if I disagreed with something, I would pretend that I didn’t and keep my real feelings to myself. And after ten months of doing this, I finally broke down and disagreed on something with them. The sad thing is, it wasn’t even anything major, something that I won’t rehash here. But because I kept my feelings in for all of those months, I wasn’t going to agree with them now, just to keep the peace! I held my ground,  I wouldn’t waver, I had a disagreement with them. And it was the end of the friendship, too! All because I wouldn’t feel, act, or be the way they wanted me to. I stood up for myself, my thoughts and my honest feelings, and I will never regret that! I do regret that I wasn’t myself SOONER. ;-)

I have long learned, that true friends CAN and DO disagree. And that it never means the end of a friendship. Not for healthy ones, anyways! My best friend and I argue all the time and we always work it out, even if it’s to “agree to disagree”. A difference in views, or tiny quirks, a flaw here or there, is never a good reason to end a friendship… that is, if the friendship is real in the first place and not an wishy-washy one. :-p

Even if my best friend and I should drift apart, turn on each other in a death-match battle, or break up over something tragic… I know for a fact that I’ll never settle for less than what we had together, for any friendship, ever again. I have had a taste of true friendship and what it means, feels, and smells like (Mmm… smells like victory)! And I don’t see any reason why I should ever settle for calling an acquaintance my “best friend”. So, for me, what I have with my best friend is not a “luxury” … True friendship is a “GIFT” and a blessing! :-)

-D

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