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In My Eyes

August 12, 2010

I do suffer with partial blindness in my left eye. I do wear glasses, as I have very bad eyesight in general. My right eye isn’t so peachy either, but it is corrected with the glasses. However, my left eye is useless to me, even with glasses. Without the glasses, my left eye can see nothing but a thick and unyielding fog, and I can not make out faces or shapes or see color. With the glasses, I can see color with my left eye, but colored blobs among the thick white fog. This is the only improvement with the glasses over my left eye.

My right eye is MUCH better, but at the same time, not much better. Without the glasses over my right eye, I can’t read a thing. But at least I can make out shapes, see color, and no fog. With my glasses, I can read for most of the day. But there is an limit on it. Since my right eye have become my primary eye for everything (reading, writing this blog, texting, doing tasks around the house, working, playing video games, watching tv, etc.), by the end of the day, it gets tired. Then a slight fog happens within it too, and I can no longer read well or make out shapes. Sometimes there is a little pain within my eyes too and I rub them a lot.

It’s always by the evening, when this happens. I have no idea what to call it, so I began calling it “Sundowning”. I don’t mean to be disrespectful or to make fun of those with Alzhimers or Dementia! I only mean to say that I identify with the symptoms of late-day agitation and confusion. I do get upset and confused with my spelling, reading, and seeing. I get confused also, misreading text and messages, thinking a person is saying something derogatory toward me, when really my eyes are failing me for the day and I had read the line WRONG. :-(

I hate when it’s the evening and people make fun of how I misspelled or mistyped something. I can’t help it, other than to log offline and stay offline until my eyes recover. And by morning, my right eye is back and ready to work again. I do explain and ask people to not judge or make fun. Sometimes, there are a few jerks who decide to ignore that or to not believe me, continuing to pick on my handicap. For those like that, I just cut off contact for good. My eyes aren’t going to get better on it’s own (not without major surgery, which my crappy insurance won’t cover), so instead of putting up with that abuse forever, I rather just end the “friendship” then and there. :-/

As for the blindness and “sundowning”, I’m pretty much dealing with it. I wasn’t always this way. The problem first happened in my eyes, at age 20, and then rapidly got worse within a year. I had finally stop putting off seeing an eye specialist, after I went walking into walls a few times! Seriously. The doctor gave me the bad news, told me about the major surgery I would need, but informed me that my insurance wouldn’t cover it. So I was shocked, scared, and angry all at the same time. :-o

But, as years went on, I learned to deal with it. It’s not always easy, but it’s not the end of the world. It could always be worse! :-p

-D

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2 comments

  1. That really sucks. I can sort of imagine what it’s like though. I have a less severe problem in that I work three 12 hour days back to back now and I’m staring at the computer for most of the time. By the last day of work my eyes are so strained and tired that it’s hard for me to keep them open. Something about staring at the computer screen for that long gives me horrible eye strain. I started wearing reading glasses and that helps, but it’s still rather uncomfortable and it sort of limits the time that I spend on the computer at home. It just hurts my eyes too much. I set up my desk at work for maximum defense against eye strain using some techniques I researched and I also started doing some eye stretching exercises. I look silly when I’m doing it, but it seems to help some what. I hope that someday you’ll be able to get the surgery you need to see better. Of course you are always optimistic about everything. I have to admit that you always inspire me to be more grateful than I already am for everything.


    • Well, hello there, lady! Long time no see (no pun attended! lol).
      Yes, staring at a computer screen all day makes bad eyesight worse! Or at least it seems to! :-o
      I’m sorry that you are having some trouble with your eyes also. It’s not a fun thing to go through, I know.
      But thanks for the kind words of encouragement and I’m honored to inspire you with my random ramblings. lol. HUGS!



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