The Many Shades Of Me

August 19, 2010

As if I don’t write about myself enough… Eh! It’s my blog, so I guess it’s fine! I’m sure that the masses who read my blog (ahem… five people) won’t mind this one. :-p

I am often confusing to people, because I’m never just one thing with only one part to my personality. It’s very hard to peg me down to any one type or interest. I think it’s because I never was invited in or accepted in any one group, that I’ve always had the freedom to be what I wanted in life. Sure, being accepted in a peer group is the greatest thing in life! And I wish, when I was growing up, that such a group took me under their wings. But the downfall is, being “one of the gang” means never getting the opportunity to try or experienced anything outside of the group’s norm. For example, if I were taken in by the sub-culture of “Thugs”, living the gangsta life and just chillin’, I never would have found my love for heavy metal, dude. OR, if I had found it, I would have to hide it and not get too attached, as no thug will appreciate a person walking into their gang and putting in a Ronnie James Dio tape into the boombox. Yes… I grew up before cd players were commonly used and before the invention of mp3 players. Shows how old I am! :-p

Since I was free and without such a sub-culture group to call home, I dibbled and dabbled. I mixed things up and had fun in my life, trying new things. I am a gothic chick and will be, until the day I die! Also, on the same hand, I’m a metal-head, a video gaming nerd, an art lover, a hippy, and a little punky. A rock concert, a trip to an art gallery, a video arcade, a trip to a cemetery, or meditating on a mountain top in Asia all sound like fun to me! And all equally too. ;-)

But besides sub-cultures, I have many different sides to me. It’s complex and complicated sometimes. Sometimes it contradicts each other, depending on my mood or situation. For example, I’m a peace-loving nut, but push me beyond the line of no return, and a war is ON!

I have the shades of me (good and bad!) that I share with the public, like in this blog. And I have a passionate and sexy side, which I don’t share with the public, only with those close to me. I have a mysterious side to me, which I share with only a unique few still. Being a close friend doesn’t guaranteed a person clearance to that classified information, either. Though, family and friends (whom I feel are like family), will know the mysterious stuff. So far, in my entire life, I’ve only had two friends get that close… one is my current best friend. :-)

But, this isn’t a post to brag or to stroke my own ego. I wrote this one, because so many make the mistake of thinking they have me pegged. It annoys the CRAP out of me. Especially, as those who make the assumption are often not even considered as a friend or close ones. You can read my blogs, every page, even memorize them. But, you still would be a million miles away from knowing who I am fully or having me pegged. I’m hoping on some small chance, people will read this and get the hint. :-p

What can I say? I’m a very complicated person! Even my family doesn’t quite know what I’m thinking or what I’m going to say next. Hell, I don’t even know that! LOL! I change with the wind and as I see fit to. I always follow my heart and not just my eyes. And with that, anything is possible. ;-)



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