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The Good, The Bad, And The Gray

September 1, 2010

I admit it, I often have black-and-white ideas, views, and make decisions or judgments based on my black-and-white ways.  It may be an result of my upbringing or childhood surroundings, but this view-point is a part of myself, permanently. However, I have lived most of my life in the gray – obviously. And even though a lot of my original black-and-white beliefs went out the window,  over the years, I still have my ideas on what makes a person a “good guy”, “bad guy”, and in between. :-)

First of all, it is my belief that people don’t change. “And to prove my point, I’ll say it again, ‘people don’t change’!” (quote from, “House M.D.”). But seriously, I DO believe that people CAN change, that’s very possible. But they just DON’T. :-p

That being said, people are people. And if you really pay attention, without the false hope that what you are seeing in a person isn’t what you’re really seeing, then it’s a lot easier to notice the real person under the masks. In other words, if you decide that she or he “didn’t really mean it”, or that you can help change and “heal” someone… then you’re just asking to be fooled, imho. No, people DO have bad days! But if a person is having a “bad day” so often, that it’s more like a bad few months or years (when you’ve count up the number of times you have had to use an excuse for them, in a short period of time of knowing them, and it’s high number in the double or triple digits),  then it’s time to face the facts. It’s not that they’re having a bad day, week, or month. This is the truth of the person and they are  just being themselves! And no, you CAN’T “cure”, “heal”, or “change” anyone from being themselves. Only that person can do that for themselves, if they want to or feel the need to. But MOST times (99.99% of the time!) a person DOESN’T WANT TO CHANGE! Or do a person honestly feel like they should.

Think about it… if a friend (family member, lover, or anyone else) walked up to you and asked you to change a part of your personality for them, would you want to? No, I’m not asking if you WOULD. You may do it, to please that person, to calm them, to get along with them. But would you WANT to do this, out of your own heart and feelings? And how likely would it be that you would stick with the new change? The key to changing is WANT and without it, no real change will happen. And most people don’t want to, especially for flaws that they don’t feel are flaws in the first place.

But, that’s a little off topic. :-p

Once you’ve realize that a person is a person, instead of being determine to fix that person’s flaws or trying to shape them into what you want them to be, it’s easier to see the truth. Not 100% clear, but a lot more clearer without the idea of “savior” or “handyman” on the brain. ;-)

I agree with the black-and-white labels of “good” and “bad”. But I also know there is a “gray” category also! There are plenty of people “in the middle” of the good-bad spectrum, neither all good or all bad.  Only in entertainment (movies, tv shows, anime, manga) is it easy to tell who’s the good-guy and who’s the bad-guy, because it’s written to be obvious in the start or to be reveled later in the plot . However, in real life, it’s a lot more complicated to weigh who’s good or bad. That’s because we humans are very complicated beings.  :-/

And I’m pretty sure, while we are entitled to our opinions and beliefs, that no one really has the right to deem someone bad or good. We can think and say what a person is, in our own minds, but we still don’t have the right follow around a “bad” person and make their life hell… Or to follow around someone “good”, putting them on a pedestal, and declaring praises. No one really has that right, not really! Yet, it’s punishments and rewards are given to those judged, every day. And this behavior falls in the gray also! It’s wrong to judge, sure… but it’s the judging of courts that keep the criminals off the streets and away from our families. That is the gray.

As for my own opinions, on what makes a person good or bad, or in between, it’s a lot complicated, of course. I’ve know and/or known the “good-guys”, the ones who I can tell have loving and pure hearts. I’ve known the “bad guys”, who were the most spiteful and cruel people, where I could only sense darkness from their hearts. And then I’ve met those of they gray, who were capable of being good, but also easily capable of being bad too. Though, the gray always seem to stay on the edge near good and near bad… not quite on either side of that fence, just dangling dangerously over either side.

I do have own system of gauging who’s good, who’s bad, and who’s in the middle. I’m not saying that people or myself should be judge, jury, or executioner of others. Or that my own system of judging is perfect, as I once tried to befriend a psychopath! :-p

For myself, my judgments are for me, my own wellbeing, and my own comfort. And in my own world, there are good-guys and bad-guys. No, I will not call a bad-guy what they’re not or make excuses for him or her (“He’s sick. He can’t help himself, because this is a disease.”), just for some PC sake. Nor will I smash anyone who’s gray into a definite black-and-white label, they are neither good or bad and could fall either way, if they ever do fall off that fence at all. Also, being labeled as “good” in my world doesn’t mean “saintly”, never doing anything wrong. People make mistakes, including me! The title “good” doesn’t hold any super-hero expectations, for me.

I judge only by what I can perceive of people hearts and vibes. Sometimes I am mistaken, but often times, I’m not. Am I a good-guy or a bad-guy, or in between? Well, I’m not sure, to be honest. I want to say I’m one of the “good”, but I may just be a “gray” instead. :-)

-D

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