A Relationship Is Work!

September 7, 2010

I thought of this post, for two reasons… Since I went “crazy” over mentioning my happiness for gaining a close friend in life (which is a very big deal to me, because I had never had one before, until the age of 29!), people had taken offense to it… as if I was bragging on some good fortune, in some way. Hey, people talk about their great husbands and wonderfully funny children, all the time on FaceBook! I thought it was okay for me to post about the only thing in my life, my coolest best friend, as I don’t have a spouse or children! :-/

The second reason why I write this, is because many of those who have the attitude that I’m bragging, seem to think that true and fair friendships are only afforded to the very lucky. Everyone wishes and WANT that 50-50 relationships with someone, whether it is in friendship or a romantic relationship. I don’t have a romantic anything in my life, at the moment, so the only thing I do have is the friendship.

However, what I have is not some care-free, lucky gift, where I get to do nothing but show up with a pretty smile, kind of deal. With all relationships, it’s takes two people with an like-mind and common interests, lots of trust between the two, and a LOT of hard work! Yes, life itself is work, so there’s no way that having a fair relationship is not work. Only in fairytales. ;-)

My friend and I argue, we have disagreements, we have drag down death matches, as only two Scorpios are apt to do – and do it WELL! But, we both have to work hard to not let emotions get too out of hand and to work out our own issues. Also, the key to any successful relationship is compromise, the willingness to admit when one is wrong and let go of your own self-pride (mostly the ego of, “I’m always right!”), and to honestly apologize! So, no matter how heated things get between myself and my best friend, we always work it out in the end. ;-)

True friends do not grow on trees, nor come in neat and perfect packages! Again, that is an fantasy. Real friendships take work and it doesn’t happen overnight. In a week of knowing my best friend, I didn’t think of him or treated him like an best friend. I had always thought he was cool enough to chat with, but I pretty much wrote him off as a “drifting acquaintance”. I had no idea, that in months and months of chatting with him, we would get closer and closer and become the inseparable duo that we have now become. My only regret is, I wish I had a friend like him, growing up. I would have loved to share the milestones of my youth with him, like my first heart-break from a crummy boyfriend, my first drink at age 20, the first time I got drunk, my first drunk-dial, and all those other stupid things teens and young adults do! :-p

Anyhoo, my point is… I don’t have anything so special and rare that it’s impossible for anyone else to get. If one was to work on it, they can have a true friendship too, with anyone of their choosing. And the major key to it all is this: To get a true friend, you have to BE a true friend. And once you do get a true friend, you have to keep working on BEING a true friend. Same for the other person!

It’s like when a person gets a great car… that person have to keep working on keeping that car maintained. They can’t just ride the car into brick walls or let it sit in driveway getting rusty, and then expect that car to stay wonderful and in top shape for the next drive. That person must work hard on maintaining and caring for that car, treating it with respect, and avoid crashing into walls. Only, in this metaphor, it’s equally the job of the car to help take care of the person maintaining it too. ;-)

Like many things, relationships are a two-way street. No one is an island and what’s good for the goose is good for the gander. In other words, you can only ask for what you decide (or can) put into a relationship. And if the other person can’t follow those standards, it doesn’t mean that they are horrible people. It does mean that they are not your match and you should move on. I guess, this is how I ran into my best friend and continue to keep him… because I won’t stand for less than, not anymore. I don’t ask for more than I can give and I shouldn’t have to settle for less, when others don’t have to settle for less from me. So I don’t take crap from anyone. And the funniest thing is, I’ve learn how to speak up for myself and not settle for less, thanks to my best friend! And the rule implies to him as well! The student has become the teacher. ;-p

So, for all of you out there, who have “friends”, but would love to have 50-50, true friendships, then you’re gonna have to have a serious talk with your  most caring-types in your life. Not the losers who obviously use you for all that you’re worth, those types will never hear your words! But for the nice people, whom you’re not all that close with, let them know how you feel and what you wish of the relationship. AND hear them out on their wishes also, in fact encourage them to share! And if you are both willing to compromise, and you two should work hard on it, then you will also have a true friendship in life.

That’s what I did and that’s ONLY what I did, to gain such a close friend, no lotto-winning tricks here. I simply just had honest conversations with a caring-type person… who turned out to be a very awesome guy and coolest friend!  :-)

Flaws and all! ROTFL! Had to add that… :-p


(His comment to this, when he proof-read it, was that he is perfect and have no flaws. And by that, I commented, “Right… And I’m Zoe Saldana.” The battle continues… :-p)



  1. no flaws….haha too funny I always say you two are terrible…two Scorpians….where is the Raid
    Just kidding

    • FYI – Raid (bug spray) on Scorpions doesn’t kill them, but would make them more pissed off and heading your way for an attack. That “solution” is actually more dangerous! :-p

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