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Don’t Forget Yourself

September 15, 2010

Personal growth and change can be a very good thing in ones life. I have been through my own series of “cocoons”, in my lifetime, always growing. And there may be a few more life changes in store for me yet! ;-)

But the thing I always remind others of, including myself, is to not get so wrapped up in the changes, that you lose your core self! What I mean is the thing, the “it”, that makes you YOU. A lot of times, it isn’t the core self that needs to be changed, but the outside layers around it. For example, your naked skin may be perfect the way it is, smooth, soft, and beautiful. But the shirt you’re wearing is awful, and the sweater over that is baggy and itchy, and the coat over that is muddy and torn. You don’t need to surgically change your skin, but it’s best to get a whole new wardrobe!

There are some who have really bad skin, but the outer clothing is great. In that situation, a person do need to heal the skin (the inner-self), but to keep their outfit. And then there are the very few, who have both bad skin and a bad clothing… That’s when a person needs to start all over from scratch. New skin and new wardrobe! :-/

But, my basic belief and motto is, “People don’t change”. Which doesn’t mean that I believe that people CAN’T change, we are all able to change, if we wanted to. But I do believe that MOST people don’t or won’t see any error within themselves to want to change. Many see it, but don’t have the determination or willingness to change, giving up quickly on solving their own issues.  Some rather make excuses, some rather say “it’s them and not me!”, some rather pretend that their own flaws or issues don’t exist. And I believe that everyone is entitled to do what they want, with their lives and personal demons…

HOWEVER, people also have the right to not want to speak with, hang around, stay in contact with those who rather use excuses to their own flaws and issues… Especially, when a person’s issues harms others, or make things difficult or uncomfortable for others. If you like to stand on a street corner and insult random people passing by, and that’s the “real you”, and you feel no need to change that… fine. But, I also get to make the choice to not claim you as a friend, nor be around you or take part to that negative activity, and to avoid your street corner. ;-)

And there are some who’ve decided that changing into the “new them” should come easily to everyone around them. But the person changing often forget this fact, that even though they may be happy, others may not be so accepting or comfortable of the new change at first. That’s the risk that a person takes, when one decides to change, honestly. You may lose friends, lovers, and other ties when you decide to change and grow into a new person. That’s not to say that change is bad!  And losing friends and family doesn’t happen MOST of the time, unless you change for the worse (for example: loving woman, turns into a egomaniac who cares for no one but herself). But it’s good to keep in mind that when you do change in life, your old friends may not stay your old friends, ties may be broken. Not always, but sometimes, depending on the change.

And this isn’t a comment on a person’s loyalty or friendship status either, in most cases. For example, when I’ve done my changes, I had lost a few friends. It was because I wasn’t truly myself , as I was under the darkness of depression, which held me back from who I really was. So, my change away from depression was VERY needed, I sought help and got better, and learned some coping skills for dealing with life. But, the friends I had made under my depression years, only knew me as the moody, self-hating,  and that I would do anything they asked without an voice or opinion of my own. When I began to gain an cheerful disposition, caring more about myself, and having my own opinions, it was a major shock for them. My old friends couldn’t handle that change and moved on.

I wouldn’t say that they were backstabbers, as they were loyal friends with the sick side of me, and only knew the sick-me. The healthy-me, they didn’t understand or know, and wouldn’t have chosen to be friends with in the first place. As I changed into a new person, those old friends didn’t fit into my life anymore, or vice versa. So, it was time for us to part, plain and simple. I couldn’t stay sick for them and they couldn’t accept the healthy me. It happens. :-)

As the saying goes, change isn’t easy! But it doesn’t mean that one should avoid it! A lot of times it is necessary.

My warning is, in time of change, make sure it’s something that YOU want. Make sure that your change isn’t occurring because others say so, or that you’re being pressured to, or the media is convincing you that “everybody else is doing it”. Change because YOU want to, because YOU feel you need to, and only to better your own life. Because when you change to suit others only, to fit in or to get acceptance from others, you lose yourself and it’s hard to find yourself again! And you may lose friends and close ties with others, not by your own decision to change, but from a choice someone else has made for you.

And there isn’t a worser feeling, than having made a mistake, based on someone else’s idea or insistence. Always listen to your own gut. :-)

-D

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2 comments

  1. Great entry :) Many wise words in it..


    • Thanks! :-)



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