Archive for October, 2010


Misa No Uta

October 29, 2010

For this Music Friday, I’ve decided to share the English version of a song called Misa No Uta (which simply means “Misa’s Song”, in Japanese). And Misa is one of the characters of the anime/manga “Death Note”. In keeping with this month’s theme, the song is a bit creepy. But, I’m also providing a link to the Youtube video of the song. I don’t normally do this for lyrics, as everyone can look up the videos for themselves (hey, don’t be so lazy!). But the English version of this song is pretty hard to find, so I’ll be nice, just this once. The link is at the bottom of the lyrics. ;-)

Be careful what you do,
Cause god is watching your every move.
Hold my hand in the dark street,
For if you do I know that I’ll be safe
Even if I’m far away and alone,
I can be sure you will find me there
This I know.
You draw me close for a while, so quiet.
You tell me everything.
If I forget what you say, then you come to me
And tell me again.
Yes you tell me once again.
But what happens when,
I know it all
Then what should I do after that?
What then?

Youtube –



Trick Or Treat!

October 28, 2010

Halloween is near, which means it’s almost time for my annual viewing of horror-films! I’ve decided to share some (out of the massive collection dvds that I own) of the films that I enjoy viewing, while eating WAY too much candy and getting a sugar-high! Yes… the next morning, I will have a sugar hangover and regret the consumption of junk-food that will go straight to my thighs. But, Halloween is meant to be enjoyed, so I’ll worry about that stuff later. ;-)

The Exorcist (1973) – A story of a mother who’s daughter becomes possessed by a demon. She seeks help from two priests, after failing to get help for her daughter through conventional ways.  Some of the special-effects of this movie is hokey, given the time this movie was produced, but the story is very entertaining. “The power of Christ compels you!” ;-)

The Exorcism Of Emily Rose (2005) – This film is loosely based on the real life story of Anneliese Michel. Much of this film takes place in a courtroom, as a priest is bought to trial on the death of Emily Rose, after an Exorcism goes terribly wrong. There are many chilling flashbacks to that exorcism, as lawyers and the defendant recall the details in court. In other words, this is an horror film that makes you think.

The Amityville Horror – Based on the true story of the paranormal experiences of the Lutz family in Amityville, a suburban neighborhood located on the south shore of Long Island, New York. Thirteen months before the Lutz family moved into their new home in Amityville, a very troubled young man shot and murdered six family members in the house. Now the Lutz were being terrorized by the paranormal phenomenon left within the home. The truth of this story is debated, but it makes for a very entertaining movie.

The Ring (2002) – A cursed video tape is found in a cabin, with the warning of “seven days”. Once you’ve watched the tape, in seven days you will die. Two teenage girls, Katie and Becca,  joke about this tape. Until Katie winds up dead, and Becca is institutionalized in a mental hospital. The movie continues on with Katie’s 9 year old cousin, Aidan, who is visibly affected by the death. This is a nice “campy” movie, but it has it shocking moments.

Paranormal Activity (2009) – This film is in the style of “found footage”, using a home-video camera. It is a story about a young couple, Katie and Micah, who are haunted by a supernatural presence in their home. It’s very well done and the most scariest movie I have seen, in a very long time! :-)

Candyman (1992) – This film is about a woman named Helen Lyle, a graduate student who is conducting  research on Urban Legends. She learns of a legend named, “Candyman”, who is summoned by looking into a mirror and chanting his name five times. She tries out the legend herself, reciting the name in a mirror. This movie is more creepy than horrifying, but worth the watch.

Shutter (2008) – A newlywed couple moves to Japan, from New York, as the husband gains a job as an photographer. While traveling, the wife hits a woman on the road and they swerve off. They regain consciousness and find no body on the road, or even a trace of blood, so they move on. Then mysteriously, the couple began to find lights within their photos, which is later identified as “spirit photography”. The length of this movie leads up to one huge shocker of an ending! The horror punchline is totally worth it! ;-)

Carrie (1976) – This is a story about an socially outcast teenage girl, who only wishes for friends. She discovers that she has supernatural powers, which her overly-religious and abusive mother deems as powers from Satan. Carrie’s powers flair into tragedy, after she is humiliated by teachers and students on prom night. This is one of my favorite Stephen King movies.

Desperation (2004) – This is a film based on the Stephen King novel (I have read the novel also!). It’s about a cursed town called “Desperation”, located in the Nevada dessert. An sheriff from the town, collects passersby on the road, bringing them to a jailhouse and killing some. None of the captives know what has happened to the people of the town, why the sheriff has turn crazy, or which one of them will be killed next. The novel was bone-chilling, but the movie lacks some major details. But, it’s still a good representation of the story.

Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber Of Fleet Street (2007) – Many should know this one! It’s based on the 1979 musical, about a local barber who was wrongly sent to prison, by a corrupt judge who wanted Sweeney’s  wife and daughter for his own. Once Sweeney is freed from prison, he travels back to London, where he exacts his revenge on all who had a hand in his imprisonment, by slitting their throats in the barber chair. Their bodies are then “disposed of”, by becoming the main ingredient in Mrs. Lovette’s pies. Fun for the family! No… not really. :-p

The Omen (1976) – The infant son of a father is born in Rome, but dies in birth. The grieving father, out of concern for his wife’s mental well-being, is convinced into substituting the dead child for an orphaned baby, who’s mother died at the same moment. And throughout the movie, dark things began to happen around the adopted child, including the nanny hanging herself in tribute of the boy. This movie is worth watching! “Look at me, Damien! It’s all for you!” :-o

Now, of course there are more. But, I’ve listed the ones that stand out the most, in my collection. I want to wish everyone a very Happy Halloween! :-)



A Newer Me

October 27, 2010

I do find myself a little different, these days. I don’t know, a new attitude has swept over me about the people in my life, relatives and friends alike. I did start off my autumn season, with breaking unhealthy ties. There are a few who are still around, but in time, I’ll break those as well. Those who are left are just a little more sensitive than the rest and there’s no need for me to become heartless… even though they’re pretty heartless toward me. I’ll put up with it, for a second more, then I will cut the cord. Though, if they were becoming a drain on my family and other friends, I’d have no trouble cutting them loose NOW! I don’t love those, who don’t care a thing about me, more so than I care about the comfort of my loved ones. When it’s just me dealing with bad people, then I can suffer it a bit longer, before I make my final steps. But when it affects my family or friends, then it’s time for that person to go bye-bye  immediately, with no hesitation! :-p

For now, I’m doing well, and I feel more free these days! My FaceBook list has been drastically cut in half and I have less headaches in my mornings. But there is another change happening with me and it kind of caught me off-guard too. But, I’ll have to start from the beginning…

Ever since the age of six, I was taught that to prove to others you care for them and that you are a worthy friend, you had to buy that person gifts. Now, this is only an reason to my poor behavior, not an excuse. I did choose to continue with this very flawed logic, up until age 28, on my own. It seemed like a very logical idea to me at the time, as I did seem to gain friends and keep them for a very long time, with buying them expensive items or giving them large sums of money. I didn’t realize the quality of people I had drawn around me, they called me “friend”, while all the long taking advantage of my self-esteem issues and generous ways. Not until a couple in Ireland had scammed me out of over three-hundred US dollars, in the matter of ten months, and then told me to “piss off” (go away), when they were done getting what they could. :-(

And that’s when I had to face my issues in therapy, about how I often feel inadequate and “not good enough”, to be someone’s friend on my own merits. On paper, it made sense that I shouldn’t over-compensate for my own perceived short-comings, especially in the way of tossing money at others. That I should feel good about myself and trust that my personality and time spent is enough to make friends and to keep them. But, the truth is… if I haven’t made a wonderful and most loving best friend, I may have went back to my ways of trying to prove to others that I’m a great friend, by opening my pockets to them.

I have LONG put away that attitude and I’ve been spoiled by the new idea that myself is good enough. I WILL NOT spend a dime on a person, to prove that I am a worthy friend or to gain a chance at friendship. Now I feel that if a person demands or expects payment from me, in order for me to be allowed to call them my friend, that person is scum and not my type. That’s not a person I want to be around and they are NOT worthy of my time and of my friendship. ;-)

This is not a new revelation, as I felt this way since Spring. However… the change is, that it’s not just a rule for just strangers and friendships anymore. It also applies to relatives and “family friends” now. :-o

Around October, every year, I begin shopping for Christmas presents! And… I have bought presents, for my sister and mother. I was going over my list and realized that the rest were of relatives and one family friend, who NEVER care enough to give me a present back. Not even a thank-you, a plain Christmas card, or a random email to just say hello to me. Yet every year, I have some huge expensive present or card full of cash for them. They take, but don’t seem to appreciate it or give back in return. Instead, I get the excuse of, “Oh, I don’t have any money now, but I’ll get some later. I’ll get you something nice.” But later never comes. :-(

Keep in mind, I’m not rich and a lot of times I go without, in order to provide people with gifts or cash cards. And these people all have incomes that are four or five times the amount of mine. I’m not one to demand that every time I give a gift, that I get an gift in return… But in the ten years that I have been doing this, you would think I would have at least gotten ONE Christmas card. No. So… the shocking change this year is, as far as I’m concerned, I’m done with my Christmas shopping for this year. ;-)

I will have a lot of extra money for myself, which I will either save or spend on some frivolous things that I want, for a change. I no longer feel the need to look out for others who don’t care to look out for me. It’s not my job to have presents and money available for those who never care to wish me a happy holiday or get me a little gift. If I want to give in the spirit of the season, without expecting anything in return, there are PLENTY of charities that I can donate to! And I may donate to a few! :-)

But, this is a new attitude for me. It feels a little weird, but I’m going with it. I don’t feel like spending my money, to prove my worth and care to others, anymore. Even if the persons are relatives! There are only three people on the planet, that I care to share gifts and money with, just for the sake of. That is my mother, my sister, and my best friend. Even though, all three do not  want it, nor ask for it! The reason why I want to share with them is because they care and talk with me daily. They don’t disappear from my life, then show up every Christmas, with their hands held out. They care, every day, to keep in contact with me and to find out what’s going on in my life… And vice versa! I want to share with them, because I love them.

Now… my best friend fights me tooth and nail on this! LOL! He doesn’t want my money, never had and never will. But one day I will win, giving him a nice gift, even if I have to slip into ninja-mode to do it! And my sister doesn’t ask nor want anything from me either… but, she couldn’t say no to a new kick-ass cellphone, for this year. :-p

I love to share and enjoy gifts with the real people in my life. And I feel better, now that I’m letting go of the selfish and thoughtless people, relatives or not. I feel that I’m making room in my life, for me to grow up more, emotionally and spiritually. :-)



Totally Gothic!

October 26, 2010

As a teen, I was part of the sub-culture group, called “Goth”. For those who don’t know, Goth is not a religion, only a fashion statement and lifestyle. The same as “Prep”, “Jock”, “Nerd”, “Thug”, etc. These are titles often given out in high-schools, all over the US, if not the world. It is a little juvenile, sure, to place labels on people and to huddle into our own social groups. But, this is what most teenagers do. :-p

The Goth subculture originated in England, back in the 80’s, and it continued to spread all over the world. It’s the most long lived subculture of the same era and continues to diversify itself. There are so many different styles of Goth, ranging from: Deathrock, Punk, Androgynous, Victorian, Renaissance, and Medieval style attire. Or the combination of all. And Goths have a like for dark/gothic fiction, horror movies, and gothic music.

But beyond the dark makeup and a like for the morbid and the macabre, Goths are basically sensitive and caring people. Of all of those who had bullied me in high-school, and made my life miserable, the attacks were always from a kid (or group of kids) from other subcultures. The Goths were always nice to me, way before I began to identified myself with them. And I’ll always remember their kindness! :-)

To be honest, I didn’t one day wake up and decided to dress in all black, with the velvet bell-shirts, and the dark makeup. No. For the longest, I only knew Goths by the name that they were harshly called in my school, as “Freaks”. And I avoided them, at first, because I thought they were just another group to harass me at school… like everyone else. It wasn’t until a friend of mine (a girl who’s mother knew my mother) mentioned that I would most likely fit in with her Gothic friends. It was the first time that I heard this term and I didn’t know what she meant.

So, I went home and looked it up online. What I found was a subculture that I had only known as “freaks” before and avoided. But then I educated myself about them and found that I liked this social group. That’s when I bought all the Gothic gear and wore the black makeup, calling myself one of them. But when I reached a certain age, I began to put away the velvet shirts and the makeup. Why? Because I felt like I was too old for dressing Goth, at the age of 20, and people were starring… HARD!

But the fact is, I never grew out of being Goth, if there is such a thing! I still wear black, nothing but black, but in average clothing styles. No more velvet. And I did get rid of my black lipstick and eye-liner, for one reason only… because I don’t like makeup to began with! Even “normal” make up, that women wear, I can’t stand it! My face is always clean, with none of that gunk. No offense to make-up wearers! :-p

As for my Gothic attitude, the mantra of: “We don’t smile, because you tell us to. We smile, only if we feel like it!”, it’s still alive within me. I still enjoy and listen to Gothic music. I can’t get enough of horror movies, all year round. I am attracted to and entertained by the macabre still, meaning in fiction and not real life tragedies and events. :-/

But now that I am an adult, I am less concerned with trying to fit within any culture group, like when I was a teen. In other words, I don’t force myself to do one aspect of something that I can’t stand nor agree with (like wearing makeup), in order to prove I belong to a social group. I have a Gothic spirit, but I also have the spirit of a Tree-hugging Hippy, a poetic Beatnik, and hopelessly geeky Nerd. ;-)

But even though I now leave the title of Gothic for the kids, I do have an issue with the new subculture “Emo”, with an passion. Emo is short for “emotional”, which is a subculture that likes to dress in Gothic or Punk styles. Only thing is, this subculture is consistent of highly disturbed individuals who are and WANT TO BE miserable. They often cut themselves and they thrive on misery. They actually get offended or uncomfortable, if you try to suggest anything positive for them or show any kindness toward them. I’m speaking from my experience, obviously, as in my past I did try to hang around two Emos. I could just be bitter about the two individuals, and the subculture could be something different… but I don’t think so. :-p

Either way, this is someone else’s subculture, and (as long as Emo stay away from me and out of my life) I don’t care what Emo do. The main issue I have, are with those who are grossly ill-informed and believe that Goth and Emo are synonymous with each other! That does get me very angry, because it’s the same thing as saying fruit punch and blood is the same thing, so don’t be around fruit punch. Many parents do fear it when a child expresses that they want to be Goth, thinking of “Emo” instead, which makes it very hard for a child to find their own self-expression within a social-group that is harmless. My most gripe with Emo is, they really could have picked their own style, instead of copying off others. The Gothic and Punk community already has to constantly dispel negative rumors about itself, without another bitty group showing up and making things more confusing for everyone. :-/

Then again… many Emo would like this end result, as they get a charge out of the misery of others. In fact, they do try to make everyone around them as miserable as they are! This is why I am not a fan of this subculture and dislike it, with a passion. But the differences between Goth and Emo is very clear, to anyone who is educated in the subcultures. Someone have once explained the differences, in a very cute way… I forget whom. But the quote was, “Goths are like hot Vampires. And Emos are like rotting Zombies. Which one would you like to go to the prom with?” ;-)



It Will Be Okay

October 25, 2010

I do realize that I’m not the only one going through personal change and growth, this season. Many others are going through a change also, this autumn. Some changes are good, some aren’t too good, and some changes are just so-so.

I see the changes of my country, as so many people are drawing lines in the political sand. A lot of hatred has taken over people’s hearts, of all races and backgrounds, of different political sides, and within different religions. Not everyone has succumb to the hatred, of trading common sense with fear. But I am aware that the numbers are growing strong, right now, that so many are swept up into the wave of hate and we are divided. It saddens me that the words of my classroom pledge, in front of the American flag every morning in grade-school, is being forgotten. The words of, “One nation, under God, INDIVISIBLE, with Liberty and Justice for ALL”. The word Indivisible means, “not divisible” or unable to be separated… but we are in fact divided. :-(

However, in history’s past, this nation have been divided in civil rights, against race and religion, against gender and creed. This is nothing new for America. And in our rich history, great leaders of peace and kindness – for ALL human beings-, have stepped up and fought for the freedoms of many. Thing were set right and many of us now enjoy the freedoms of today, fought for us by loving souls of the past. I have no reason to believe that this country will not right itself again. And I will continue to pray and voice for the side of freedom, for ALL. Not only for the rich or poor, for my own race, or for my own religion,  but for EVERYONE until peace is established again. It will be okay. :-)

Beyond politics, there are many struggling with personal demons, while trying to map out their lives and trying to make it from day to day. There are so many issues plaguing the hearts of mankind, as everyone is trying to find their own path in this ever changing world. It is never easy, navigating through the battle-lines drawn in life, while trying to find out who you are and what you want in life. Change is never easy, whether it’s good or bad. It’s often scary and overwhelming, at first. But if it is a good change, a choice that gives room for one to grow and to branch out into new things, it always works out for the best in the end. And once you are on top of the mountain, you may wonder why you didn’t make the climb earlier, as the spoils will be great! And yes, I’m speaking from experience. Don’t worry, keep moving forward. It will be okay. :-)

It’s the unspoken law of growth, that you can not get far, without change. Hardly anything ever stays the same. And although it feels more comfortable and safe, things should never stay the same, as a person will stay stagnant in one place for the rest of their lives. We miss so many new opportunities and waste our own potential, when we refuse to change a little something in our lives or compromise a little in the way we view the world. We miss out on the many different friendships, when we wall ourselves off into groups and cliches, refusing to educate ourselves about others and other lifestyles, when we  fear and excluding them. We harm ourselves, when we refuse to move in a different directions in our lives, and to take a risk in experiencing something new.

A baby learns to crawl; a toddler learns to walk.; a small child learns to run; when older, we learn to ride a bike; and an adult learns to drive a car. What would happen, if we didn’t stop there and also learn how to fly within our diverse spirituality? It will be okay. :-)




October 22, 2010

It’s been a while, since I’ve posted an Sarah McLachlan song. Here’s one of my favorites, named “Plenty”. Enjoy! ;-)

I looked into your eyes
They told me plenty
I already knew
You never felt a thing
So soon forgotten all that you do
In more than words I
Tried to tell you
The more I tried I failed

I would not let myself believe
That you might stray
And I would stand by you
No matter what they’d say,
I would have thought I’d be with you
Until my dying day
Until my dying day

I used to think my life
Was often empty
A lonely space to fill
You hurt me more than
I ever would have imagined
You made my world stand still
And in that stillness
There was a freedom
I never felt before

I would not let myself believe
That you might stray
And I would stand by you
No matter what they’d say,
I would have thought I’d be with you
Until my dying day
Until my dying day



To Become A God

October 21, 2010

Death Note is the name of this manga and anime series. I was on the edge of my seat, while watching the episodes on cable tv. And I enjoyed it so much, that I read the manga, within one week. Of course, the manga is slightly better than the anime. But only by a little, as it’s the same dialog and movements included in each the anime episodes. The only thing that differ between the two, is that the manga has a little more story on the supporting characters.

What is Death Note? Well, I’ll tell you. But, for those planning to read the manga or watch the anime, you may not want to read this following post. Though, what I will explain is covered in the first episode or manga chapter, anyways. ;-)

Death Note starts with a death god name Ryuk, who is basically bored with his world. He travels into the human world and drops his supernatural death notebook in a school yard, on purpose.  A young high-school kid named Light Yagami finds the book, discovering it’s powers to cause death to anyone he chooses, just by writing the name of that person inside the book. Light first test out the book on a criminal and the criminal dies. And this is when Ryuk introduces himself to the frighten kid, highly amused and entertained by his own mischievous experiment. But Light’s fear quickly turns into a firm plan, to rid the world of all criminals and to become a god of the new peaceful world. As Light began killing off many criminals, even those who were only accused of crimes, he attracts the attention of authorities. Mainly his father, who is an police chief, and his father’s crew. And also a genius detective named “L”.  No one knows that the mysterious killer of criminals or alleged criminals is Light. And on the same token, no one has seen or know who this genius detective L is either. This series is all about a cat and mouse game, of L vs. Light, as the young student slowly descends into madness and darkness.

This anime/manga, is one of the more thought-provoking ones. As L and Light play their complex game, of trying to stop one another. It’s up to you, the viewer, to make up your mind who is the good-guy and who is the bad one. At the start, I wasn’t so sure if Light was a bad guy, as I often wish for a world of peace. And I have no care toward criminals, in general. But after three episodes, I was pretty sure that Light was the bad guy!  He is not my favorite character, even though I do like Ryuk, who is the demon who caused all the trouble in the first place. I also like Misa, Light’s girlfriend and partner in crime… well, I feel sorry for her mostly. Ryuk and Misa fall into the gray areas of life, I believe. But as for the good guy, I am a huge fan of L.  But it doesn’t matter which side you’re on, this anime is most entertaining and never dull. ;-)

And I think the lesson of this anime is: It’s never good (no matter how pure intentions are at the start) for man to aspire to become a god over others. Humans are too weak for the job, and what seems like a way to do good, will ultimately turn into something twisted. By the end of the series, Light had practically turned into a power-hungry monster, so far away from his original plans… Or his original self.