Of Death And Rebirth

October 5, 2010

I’ve mentioned it plenty of times before, I am Scorpio, the zodiac sign of “death and rebirth”. I like that description most, because it holds true to the nature of my personality. I’m always changing and growing, moving further in life, one day at a time, for better or for worse. And the most common time of the year, when I change something in my life (little or huge), happens to be in the Autumn months.

This my most celebrated season of the year, also it’s a little stressful. Change isn’t always easy, but then again, I never was too shy for an challenge. ;-)

My most common change is always in relationships, with others in my life. This is the season, where I take personal inventory on those around me, and show up in my daily life. I always try to figure out who is my friend and who is really my foe. Now, I know that friends don’t always agree, they argue, “crap” happens. I never take in account those types of conflicts, as meaning that a person is not really my friend or care about me.

But if a person makes me feel awful nine times out of ten, always criticizing me in one way or another for many months (if not for years), it’s obvious that they are toxic for me. Doesn’t mean that they’re toxic for everyone else, but they are for me nonetheless. It’s usually every September or October, I reevaluate who’s really in my corner and who’s simply “tagging along” or using me to their own means. I am a very good listener, I’m empathic, I care a lot about others. Some like to use that to their own advantage sometimes, where it’s all about them and they never care to ask about me. Nor do they want me to share with them about me. It quickly becomes clear that I am just their free therapist, to help them sort out their lives and issues, even though I am FAR from being an professional. And if I were, I’d like to be PAID for a job like that, not give away free services. :-p

So, it’s around this month that ties are cut and I move on, no longer wishing to be someone else’s caregiver, especially when I am not allowed to lean a little on that person, when I’m having a rough time in life. And I do have rough times in my life, just like every other human being on this planet. :-/

Besides cutting away the toxic people of my life, this is the year that I embrace the good people in my life and draw them closer! I spend more time with family and close friends, sending messages online or face-to-face chatter, as I am thankful for the caring relationships that I do have. And I love to show my appreciation around this year, with a heart full of well-wishes and worrying about everyone’s well-being. :-)

Beyond relationships, this is also the time that I rethink my life and life’s goals, my personal issues, and my wish to move forward in life. My future career goals always change, every autumn. Last year, I wanted to be an counselor… I don’t even know why! But this year, I’m thinking more of a career in writing. So far, my career-wants have never worked out, but every year I think hard on it, all the same. For me, it’s not the most important thing to make a career goal a reality, right away. What is most important is, that I thought about it in the first place and considered something with self-confidence in that I could do the job. And I have this idea, that I still have time to make any of my career goals come true for my future. It just hasn’t happened yet. ;-)

For my hobbies, many things do change this season, I do gain new hobbies and fascinations. It keeps my life interesting, to try new fun things, or to be fixated on some new topic or cause. Rarely do I get rid of most loved old hobbies, like playing video games or writing, but new ones start every Autumn. And this is the season, where I began to collect books, for the winter. I am a literary squirrel!!! ;-)

This is also my season to relax, to clear away those who want to hold me back from my true potential, and for me to seek out peace within my life. My true friends and family are always welcome to be a part of the good changes and the peaceful times in my life, but farewell to those of my toxic past. I wish you all luck in your journeys. :-)




  1. Hi there.
    By way of comforts for winter I usually stock up on anime for cold winter days, manga and cd box sets.
    I would say you have the potential for a career in writing having read many of your ahem articles and posts over the years although being an authoress has a element of risk financially. Some do well at ‘copy writing’ but whither or not the deadlines and find being given the task to write up would bug you is something only you can answer.
    It’s rare for me to have to de-clutter connections apart from some ‘friends’ who didn’t really do much for me at a certain site we won’t mention. I’m sure you’d let me know if I was doing anything that made you feel uncomfortable as I’d do the same in reverse. But you’re right some want a life coach, therapist and personal assistant out of you and that’s not on!
    Love Caroline.

  2. Hey, Caroline! :-D
    Yep, in the past… I was more hesitant to speak up to others, particularly on that unmentionable site, and let them know when they were leaning on me TOO HARD. But, over the many months, I have grown a stronger backbone and I do stand up for myself now. Don’t worry, you’re safe! LOL! ;-)

    But yeah, collecting manga and anime for the winter is awesome! If I had a bit more money, I would do the same. Books are cheaper, is all. And I do enjoy curling up with a book, under the blankets, while there’s a snowstorm outside.

    Thanks for your vote of confidence in my writing! I don’t know about deadlines. That part of the job may frustrate me, A LOT. But then again, no job is perfect. :-p


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