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My Own Madness

November 9, 2010

I am crazy… No, my friends! I am not fishing for the nice compliment of, “Oh, no! You’re not crazy! Don’t say that, please! You’re fine the way you are.” Or like my mother likes to say, “You’re ‘crazy like a fox’, not mentally so.” Yeah, yeah… The truth is, I’m a bit nuts and I know it. :-p

Honestly, I have lived my life around the mentally insane. This is not me being cynical or over-dramatizing the stupid things that people do. No. I have really been in the company of certifiable mentally insane people, for most of my life. I have often felt like Alice, trapped in Wonderland, surrounded by mad people. I am fluent in “Crazy-nese”! But the truth is, I know for a fact that some of that madness did rub off on me.  How could it not, after spending so much time around crazy people? I’m not saying that I’m insane, but I am a little nuts! And I’m proud of it too, strangely. :-o

Anyhoo, when I think about the purpose of this blog, on why I had started it in the first place, the answer is simple. I did not create this blog to reach out to others or to teach, nor to push my views onto anyone, and I most certainty didn’t create this blog to be some kind of “moral leader”, whatever the hell that is. I created this blog to simply jot down some of my crazy thoughts, ideas, feelings, and expressions. And that’s all. ;-)

I do get confused (and a little unnerved) when my best friend or others tell me that my blog have taught them something… or that it was inspirational to them. I sometimes get kudos on random subjects I had posted here. But, I want to make it clear: Many of my post here, I have put little to none thought into it! Except for the one letter to the US President, I did put A LOT of thought into that one and have sent it off to Washington DC, many weeks ago. But, most of what I’ve posted here is just written on the fly, without much time spent into it. This is why sometimes the grammar or spelling is off, because I’m not carefully constructing these things, really! The most I do, for planning,  is picking a general theme of thought, for any given week or month. For example, all of October was about Autumn and my changes within that season, also anything spooky or creepy for Halloween.

However for most months, like this one, there is no theme. As the lower heading for this blog claims, “Random musings from a very random girl”, this blog is nothing but the randomness of my mind. Yes, all of these scribblings are about the REAL things that I care about, feel, and believe in. Also scribblings on nothing at all. But none of my posts are constructed with you, the reader, in mind. They’re not created to change your mind, your world, or the way you chose to live your life. I’m not offering a way for you to live or advice in your life situations. I do offer advice to my friends, but I do so personally and privately… not on this blog. I know, a lot of the times it seems like I’m talking to YOU specifically with advice, but honestly I’m reminding myself of something or giving myself some advice. Often times, at the end of my posts, the punchlines of “and maybe you should live this sort of way”, I’m really talking to myself.  It may seem a lot conceited or selfish, but I don’t write this blog with you, the reader, in mind. I’m sorry. :-/

Ha! Though the posts about my best friend, yes I do have him in mind when I write it, that’s why I write those posts. And those posts are the most fun to write too! So, no flame messages, BRAT! You know who you are! Same goes for family that I write about here, I DO have them in mind when I write those specific posts. I admit, I sometimes do write to get a smile from my friends and family. I’m such a ham! :-p

But in general, I don’t write to help others in this blog. If I happen to help others, it’s an happy accident! And it’s always weird to me, when a person claims that my scribblings have helped them in some way. If anyone can gain some type of peace within their lives from my mad scribbles, I’m happy for them. But, I wasn’t aiming for that, honest. And for once, THIS whole post is directed toward YOU, the one who are reading it. Because, I have a very important truth that I want you to know… I don’t want people to get the wrong idea and I want to be honest here. I write in this blog Monday – Friday, for my own self, to vent the madness in my head. Sometimes I write here, because I’m lonely or bored. Or that I need to remind myself of my past mistakes, so I won’t be doomed to repeat them. Or, I’m just trying to figure out my own life or emotions. Or I’m expressing myself here, because I’m not welcome to anywhere else in my life to do so.

And it’s because of these reasons that I have not advertised this blog to get more readers or comments. And I only seem to share the link with those I trust or have known for  a very long time. This is my own private world, my playground, for posting anything I want to and with little consequence! I love to write and I love to be free in what I write, without the responsibility of watching my P’s and Q’s . As the Mad Hatter says, “I like what I do, as the same as  I do what I like! Don’t you agree? So, I do!” ;-)

So, you are more than welcome to read and to comment at will. You’re not required to read every post or to comment on every one of them. You do have my permission to be entertained by my own madness. I don’t care, either way. But keep in mind, I’m no guru, no professional life-coach, or some type of peace leader. What I am is… I’m nuts! :-p

-D

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8 comments

  1. You have a rather smashing blog here. I’ve just been having a wander around and you have quite a lot of interesting stuff to say and it looks great(love the anime pics). I look forward to reading more


    • Thanks for visiting and for the very kind compliments! :-)


      • And… I have to admit, your comment threw me off-guard a little, purplecactusdesign. Not in a negative way, but most passersby rarely comment on my little world of madness or return to read more. Not that I don’t blame them! LOL! :-p

        You are welcome to read all that you wish to. ;-)


      • I will certainly be back for more! Thanks again for your visit to my blog as well. I’m happy to have bought out the pirate in you… Lol


  2. Now I understand your take on you and your blog, I think!
    It’s that you don’t want people to think your some kind of an expert, leader or otherwise “person to be looked up to”. You’re just you, a work in progress and might be ‘barking’ even if I think you’re less up that tree than perhaps you think you are.
    The bad news is I have a treehouse too having been through some but obviously not all the kinds of experiences you have!
    And I don’t expect people to follow me either!!!

    Caroline.


  3. Yep, right on the nose, Caroline! :-)
    I just worry that people will began to think that I have all the answers. I don’t! I’m just trying to figure it all out, with the rest of everyone else. And I’m no one to look up to or to idolize, I’m human and very flawed. And it’s silly, because I’m also NUTS too. ;-)

    But I also wanted everyone to understand too that my blog is here for entertainment or my own venting room, the place I go to and scream, before I start my long day. :-)


  4. You know sometimes it’s just nice to read someone else’s thoughts and realize you’re not the only one that feels that way. It’s sort of validating to know there are others that you are like. It makes you feel less weird I guess. You’re a kindred spirit of sorts and I find myself agreeing with you on so many things. It really reaffirms to me that I’m not as alone as I sometimes feel and that maybe there are more people like me than I realize.


  5. Aww, thanks thehooded! I had no idea that I helped to make you feel less alone and give you hope of finding more people like yourself. :-)
    And…. yes, it’s very odd to hear (read) it from you too! A lot of times, my thoughts are just mad ramblings… and after I have posted them, I wonder to myself, “What the heck is that string of words all about??? What was I thinking there???” So, I find it highly flattering that you or anyone else would find comfort in my scribbles.

    But at the same time, it kind of encourages me to write down MORE of randomness too! ;-)

    BIG HUGS! :-)



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