Archive for December, 2010


I Am Beyond My Words

December 20, 2010

I’ve been thinking a lot, as I often do, maybe over analyzing about my past and my current life. Mostly about my self-image and my writing, which are two different things, but both seem to be mixed together in most people’s minds.

It all started with a certain site, which I still refuse to give it name on this blog, yet a few of my readers know exactly what site I speak of. It’s been over three years now, since the first time I had logged into that site, yet I seem to be running away from it still. Or at least keeping the lesson that I had cruelly learned from it. People tend to mix up my writings (my amateur scribblings) for me, my essence, and who I am as a person. My writings are just a small part of me, and I honestly don’t share all of me within it, only about 10-13%. The real and true me is much more complicated and expansive,  more than what I write, how I write it, or what I care to share. I feel like a broken record, even within this blog, with it’s many disclaimers posted. I fear a cult-following, like I had at this other site, forming and chasing me again. :-/

On this other site, in the matter of months, I had written posts there that people loved and responded to. Any writer, amateur or not, do appreciates praise and admiration for their work. I was highly flattered and it felt good, to get these wonderful claims that my randomized thoughts, views, and ideas were deeply felt by the readers and helped them in some way. Though, it also felt weird that so many (over two-hundred people) took my words and thoughts so seriously, while I never take myself so seriously or view life as seriously as my passionate words portray. Sure, I feel deeply about some things, but not everything I post is meant to be so dire or so written in stone, as if it was prophecy. And too many of these people followed me around like a messiah, which I never want that job, not for a million dollars. :-p

Really… I only write what I see is good common sense, emphasis on the word “common”. Anyone can know what I know, easily. And what conclusions I find about and in life, I had learned it from somewhere or someone else. I’m just choosing to live these examples in my life and then repeating them in writing, just for the sake of. In other words, all that I write (unless it’s a fiction story) I didn’t make up myself… I got it from elsewhere and thought to myself, “this makes sense”, thus following it with my own free-will. So it was disturbing, when people of this site began to follow, use, and pattern their lives around everything I wrote or expressed. :-o

I am just a young woman who have yet to learn more in this life. I write this blog (as I had written on that site), just for the sheer fact that I enjoy writing. Also, a lot of times, I’m bored and writing is a great source of entertainment for me. It’s fine if people also find entertainment in my writings too or agree with the same views as I do, as long as they agreed with the logic before I ever wrote it down. On the highway of life, I’m just walking on the side-roads, trying to find my way home and picking my own directions to go. If a person is heading that way, regardless if they spot me walking on that side-road or not, and then decide “Hey, I’d like that girl to hop into the car and keep me company, as we’re going the same way.”, that’s cool. We’ll both go to hell in a hand-basket together… Or heaven. You never know. =p

But, if that person was on the opposite lane, heading elsewhere on the road of life, then cuts across traffic sending other cars flying in fireballs, desperate to give me a ride to a place they may think is better than where they were once headed… This move give me the creeps, not to mention it’s stupid and reckless, and I won’t be keeping company or hitch-hiking with that person! I don’t even know if where I’m heading is correct, just following my gut, and I’m not wanting or willing to lead others down a road, which may lead to a cliff. And I have fallen off many cliffs in my life, so following me without thinking for yourself may get you into serious trouble! And I can’t stand to have that responsibility on my head. I’m only living one life for me, not to lead or to live the lives of others.

But I digress and with too many metaphors. =p

What I’m really thinking on, is that not many take the time to get to know me, beyond my words or what I write. It’s not like I’m secluded and can not be reached for conversation, either.

This is how people gain real friends, by spending time and learning each other. Not trying to capitalize on what they gleam is a person’s talent or drawing up conclusions on what a person is like based on how well they do something. Our talents are only a pale shade of ourselves. Most personalities and souls run way much deeper than that.  And I am no exception.



Baby It’s Cold Outside

December 17, 2010

There’s nothing like a persistent kidnapper, convincing a girl to stay at his house for the night, to get into the Christmas spirit. It’s funny how sometimes these old songs seem a bit weird and a little creepy. YET, I happen to like this one, by Dean Martin. Enjoy! :-)

I really can’t stay
(Baby, it’s cold outside)
I’ve got to go away
(Baby, it’s cold outside)
The evening has been
(Been hoping that you’d drop in)
So very nice
(I’ll hold your hand, they’re just like ice)

My mother will start to worry
(Hey beautiful, what’s your hurry)
And father will be pacing the floor
(Listen to that fireplace roar)
So really, I’d better scurry
(Beautiful, please don’t hurry)
Well, maybe just a half a drink more
(Put some records on while I pour)

The neighbors might think
(Baby, it’s bad out there)
Say, what’s in this drink
(No cabs to be had out there)
I wish I knew how
(Your eyes are like starlight now)
To break this spell
(I’ll take your hat, your hair looks swell)

I oughtta say no, no, no sir
(You mind if I move in closer)
At least I’m gonna say that I tried
(And what’s the sense in hurting my pride)
I really can’t stay
(Oh baby, don’t hold out)
Baby, it’s cold outside

I simply must go
(Baby, it’s cold outside)
The answer is no
(But baby, it’s cold outside)
The welcome has been
(So lucky that you dropped in)
So nice and warm
(Look out the window at that storm)

My sister will be suspicious
(Gosh, your lips look delicious)
My brother will be there at the door
(Waves upon a tropical shore)
My maiden aunt’s mind is vicious
(Gosh, you lips are delicious)
Well maybe just a cigarette more
(Never such a blizzard before)

I’ve got to get home
(Baby, you’ll freeze out there)
Say, lend me a comb
(It’s up to your knees out there)
You’ve really been grand
(A thrill when you touch my hand)
Oh, but don’t you see
(How can you do this thing to me)

There’s bound to be talk tomorrow
(Think of my lifelong sorrow)
At least there will be plenty implied
(If you caught pneumonia and died)
I really can’t stay
(Get over that hold out)
Baby, it’s cold
Baby, it’s cold outside



In The Spirit

December 13, 2010

Well, it’s no secret that I’m Pagan. So, my winter seasonal holiday is Yule, held on the December 21st. And I do celebrate it every year. But I also enjoy Christmas. Not for religious reasons, but for the spirit of it, and the fun of celebration! :-)

My favorite things about Christmas, are the lights, the hope for peace on earth and good will towards all, the Christmas songs, and also my favorite seasonal movie from 1951 named “Scrooge”, staring Alistair Sims. Also I enjoy any production of “The Nutcracker.” :-p

Of decorating a tree, holly and mistletoe, and decorating the doorways, these are nothing new and old traditions of any Pagan. I do love those parts of these winter holidays, but I consider it more of a Pagan ritual than that of Christmas. But what is unique to the holiday of Christmas are the films and so, that I’ve had mentioned before. And it’s nice. I enjoy humming along to the Christmas songs by Dean Martin, Nat King Cole, Burl Ives, and all the rest. And I always swoon at the song, “O’ Holy Night”, because the melody and words are very pretty! I may not believe in the same God or doctrine, but the song is amazing for two reasons. One, it’s an honest testimony to a person’s love and faith in their God. And two, it’s not a song of bickering or judgment, just a universal message of peace toward all and good will. I’m Pagan, yet I can still respect and appreciate it. :-)

And this is why I like Christmas… all separations of religion, race, creed, gender, sexual orientation, political party, etc… it fades away and doesn’t matter for one brief second. On Christmas, there is a cease of fighting, between one human being against the other. Maybe not the whole day, but for a few moments, at least. We’re too busy spending time with each other and enjoying each others company, opening presents, and singing in a carol for that moment. It’s the only holiday that a person can implore decency from another person with a cry of, “But it’s Christmas!”, and it’s suppose to mean something more and bigger than just any other day.

I love the spirit of Christmas and I believe that it should stay the way it is. I know the overly PC (politically correct) crowd would like the word Christmas taken down from use. A Christmas Tree is a Christmas Tree, period! Even though I’m Pagan, I refuse to call a tree an “Holiday Bush”! Not to mention it sounds a little vulgar. :-p

And Christmas is not a bad holiday, so I don’t agree with it being treated as one. Or the suggestion that it should be hidden away, like it’s unclean. I know for a fact that it was once dangerous for a Pagan to openly celebrate our holidays. And there is still a level of secrecy about celebrating them, because Pagans had to hide away their religious believes for so long. So, it’s a step backwards to try and stuff Christmas into the closet also.

It’s true that there are many other holidays this winter. But, I think the real answer is to began sharing those holidays more with the public, along with Christmas. Not opting for the extreme of, “Well, the rest of the holidays seem to be hidden, so we should hide Christmas too!”. Just a thought. ;-)



The Christmas Song

December 10, 2010

This song is often called the “The Chestnut Song” and also the full line of it’s verse, “Chestnuts Roasting On A Open Fire”. But it’s real name is “The Christmas Song”, by Nat King Cole. I love the jazzy sound of this holiday song. Enjoy! :-)

Chestnuts roasting on an open fire,
Jack Frost nipping on your nose,
Yuletide carols being sung by a choir,
And folks dressed up like Eskimos.

Everybody knows a turkey and some mistletoe,
Help to make the season bright.
Tiny tots with their eyes all aglow,
Will find it hard to sleep tonight.

They know that Santa’s on his way;
He’s loaded lots of toys and goodies on his sleigh.
And every mother’s child is going to spy,
To see if reindeer really know how to fly.

And so I’m offering this simple phrase,
To kids from one to ninety-two,
Although its been said many times, many ways,
Merry Christmas to you



The Renaissance Way

December 8, 2010

I have recently learned of a new term to describe myself as. And I ran across this term in the most ironic way. ;-)

Well, I proudly wear the labels of being a nerd, hippy, random, and goth/rock chick. That’s me in a nutshell. Ooh, yeah… also, I’m nuts too! I think in the many months of writing this blog, I have outlined the basics of who I am, in very confusing and convoluted ways. And I’m so proud of that too. Only my friends can understand why I would be so proud… I think… I hope. :-o

Anyways, I have this known motto of mine (which I totally made up), that life is like an buffet table. Some people choose to stay on one or two spots of the table, getting their favorite things, and getting from the buffet of life what they are comfortable with. And that’s fine. But I, on the other hand, like to sample a little of everything on the table of life and not just stay in my comfort zone. A had only one bad comment on my motto, from one jackass that I once knew,  “Yes, you eat like a pig then.” Whatever, dude… :-/

But my motto is pretty much true to me and my life,  as I’m always trying new things, willing and wanting to learn. And I love it even better if I get a new skill out of something that I’ve experienced. I’ve always been this way, ever since I was age six, believe it or not. I use to drive my parents crazy, with all the many questions that I would ask them. Until they had decided to throw encyclopedias at me and then ignore me. :-p

However, that opened my world of learning how to research for information. Libraries were my second home, and own personal treasure trove, until the internet came along. Then web-searches online became my daily hobby. The fact is, I crave knowledge and can’t get enough of learning something new! I love learning and experiencing new things. :-)

Because of that, I don’t really “fit in” any one social group, except for being a nerd. And my music tastes are all over the map, as well as my interests in books, movies, and hobbies. Sadly, people have mistaken my love of facts and reading, for trying to be a “know-it-all”. Hey, I would LOVE to know everything there is to know, in all of the universe and beyond. But, the fact is, NO ONE on this planet can know everything. It’s impossible! A person would have to live millions of years, before they could know everything there is to know! And even this argument earns me a few dirty looks from people, sometimes. :-/

But, getting to my point… I came across this term “Renaissance”, recently. I know what the world means, in terms of clothing, art, and fairs. But, when applied towards a person, it has it’s own neat meaning. A “renaissance woman” (or man) means a person who is skilled or well-versed in many fields of knowledge, work, etc. In other words, a person who’s overly curious and having learned much. That seems to fit my description and I’m going with it. ;-)

But… What’s nagging me is, that it seems like this title should be given to MOST people of this era. I mean, in the Renaissance age, there were no internet or easy access to trillions of information sites, ready to be discovered in the matter of seconds. And for women of the Renaissance era, free-thinking and a lot of education was prohibited. With such a massive buffet table in the world today, and women’s rights, it seems like there is just SO MUCH to learn, see, and experience out there! Why would anyone just stay with what they know and not try to at least learn a few new things that are happening around them, everyday? Why wouldn’t a person stop for a few minutes and learn something new from reading a news article online… for free… and you don’t have to travel to a newsstand to get it? Or for the less lazy ones (unlike me),  why not travel to that newsstand and pick up a newspaper?

There are so many things in the world to learn about, to explore, to try once. How do you really know you won’t like something or can’t do something, unless you give it a try? Think about it… or at least, try to. :-p

The thing about me is, I try something new at least once, before I write it off as something that I just can’t learn or something I don’t need to experience. Granted, not all learning experiences should be entertained and it could be a bad idea to learn that new thing in life. For example, when I was age 23, I decided that it might be fun to learn how to smoke cigarettes. That’s been a learning experience that I could have done without! I’ve been a chain-smoker for six years, recently quit for over six months now, and I’m still fighting that nicotine monkey on my back. D’oh!!!

But, some learning experiences are very good! I had recently decided to learn Spanish and after the first two lessons, I knew that learning this new language was going to be freakin’ hard! Not as hard as when I tried to learn Japanese, for five years, but still… Even so, I’m keeping up with it and just when I thought nothing was sticking to my brain, my mother puts a box that says, “Leche” in front of me. She asked me what it said, thinking that I would mistake it for a box of soup, like her and my aunt did. Which, it sorta does look like a box of soup-broth, in their defense! I had simply read the box and said, “Milk?”. And she frowned, waving me away, “Aw, that’s right. You know Spanish words now.” Hey, it was a baby word, but it made me feel kinda smart. ;-)

So here’s an assignment for everyone (Yes, I’m giving out assignments now! You will be graded! I’m kidding. No need to follow this advice, if you don’t want to! :-p) – Do something new today, learn something new, or take a class on something that you thought you couldn’t do. Or begin learning something that you’ve had put off, because you only had a slight interest in. You may be surprised! :-)



Rockin’ Out – Old School Style!

December 6, 2010

Okay, I have recently turned 30, last month. And with an older age, I had  been a little bit worrisome about… well…  turning old. :-p

Long story short, I’ve been turning to the thing that makes me feel youthful, always. Music! And instead of just laying back, staring at my ceiling while wearing my digital headphones (I don’t like those ear-bud thingies), listening to the same current collection of artists on my i-pod, I thought it might be fun to go looking for some of the rock songs I loved as a teen. Like the song “Plowed”, which I had posted those lyrics last week. ;-)

Though… I don’t have a cd for every awesome band of the 90’s, as I was a poor teen. Yes, I was a babysitter for money, sure. But I often used that cash for two things back then:  candy and video games. I only stopped to buy a couple new cds, when there were no good video games I wanted. Most of my collected music of the 90’s were stored on (and I’m not kidding with this) homemade mixed tapes, recordings I made myself, while listening to my favorite radio stations! I bet very few of my younger readers will have a clue on what the hell I’m talking about! :-o

Anyhoo… I still have these audio tapes. Really. But, I no longer have a device to play back these tapes and even if I had, I have been spoiled by digital technology. SO, with not very many 90’s cds to burn into my very own mp3s, I decided to take $12 and buy a handful of my teenage memories on i-Tunes. Great rock hits from artists like:  The Offspring, R.E.M., Soul Asylum, Soundgarden, Foo Fighters, Filter, Tonic, Goo Goo Dolls, Tool, Shudder To Think, Bush, and Radiohead. And with a nice line up like this one, now on my i-pod, I am pretty happy.  :-)

Even if I am OLD. :-p

Oh, and don’t be surprised if you began seeing some really “bitchin” lyrics showing up on Music Fridays, later this winter. ;-)




December 3, 2010

A blast from the past, this is a very cool rock song by the band, “Sponge”.  It sorta speaks to the attitude, apathy, and lost cause of the 90’s, yet has a screaming guitar sound of the 80’s. Enjoy! :-)

Will I wake up
Some dream I made up
No I guess it’s reality
What will change us
Or will we mess up
Our only chance to connect with a dream

Say a prayer for me
(Say a prayer for me)
Say a prayer for me

Say a prayer for me
(Say a prayer for me)
I’m buried by the sound
Of a world of human wreckage
In a world of human wreckage
In a world of human wreckage
Where I’m lost and I’m found
And I can’t touch the ground
I’m plowed into the sound

To see wide open
With a head that’s broken
Hang a life on some tragedy
Plow me under the ground
That covers the message
That is the seed

Say a prayer for me
(Say a prayer for me)
Say a prayer for me

Say a prayer for me
(Say a prayer for me)
I’m buried by the sound
Of a world of human wreckage
In a world of human wreckage
In a world of human wreckage
Where I’m lost and I’m found
And I can’t touch the ground
I’m plowed into the sound

Will I wake up
Some dream I made up
No I guess it’s reality