A Pen For A Sword

February 18, 2011

We all know of that old saying, “The pen is mightier than the sword”. And it’s true, words can be sharpen and used as a weapon. And they also can be doubled-edged, cutting the flesh of the wielder, if one isn’t too careful before speaking too soon.  You wouldn’t grab a sword by it’s blade in order to pick it up, would you? And sometimes in our rush to make a point, to win an argument, or to defend an idea we do go grabbing the sword by it’s blade, without taking care to look first. That said, my rant of yesterday is still very much right and those people were awful… but I also will admit that they may have made a human mistake, so threatened by someone they shouldn’t have been, therefore grabbing their swords by the blade.

And when I think of it that way, I actually feel sorry for them a little. As I had once or twice rushed in fit of anger or trying to push an ill-conceived idea, that I’ve cut my hand instead. I guess this is a hazard that happens to all of us who wield words, from time to time. Even to the best of us of scribes, I’ll add too. Still, I don’t recommend this forum to anyone who is a writer or an aspiring one, whatsoever. Because even though I’m basically giving these people a pass of “maybe they’re not so cruel, but instead made some grave mistake, in their lack of judgement and mature communication”, it doesn’t mean that they would agree. They could very well be just flat out jerks, and I could be giving them more credit than they deserve. =p

But the fact is, I’m not new to writing, by any stretch of imagination. And people who underestimate that fact usually wind up in a “foot in mouth” situation, when it comes to interacting with me. I grew up the tall and lanky, skinny and awkward girl, in Philly. I never was strong or could fight physically, I had so many bullies and was always the target for physical and verbal abuse. So, since the age of nine, I had to defend myself in some kind of way. I chose words. I still got my butt kicked physically, but I still had my wit and pride about me, regardless. My bullies couldn’t take that away from me and nor could they ever win a battle of words against me either.

So when I write, I’m no stranger to using my words as a blade, and it is a finely tuned and well worn weapon. I’ll never be a genus, a weight-lifter, or a pretty model with bodyguards and men willing to use their bodies as shields to protect me from the flaming of others. All I will ever have are my words to defend myself and no, I will not “play nice” with those who aren’t slowing any punches towards me. And that’s that.

But I do know and realize that with every weapon, a person has to take care on how they treat and use it. I’m not one to start swinging around words, out of the blue and willy-nilly, but I will get harsh if pressed. And only AFTER all appeals for respect falls on deaf ears.

But I digress…

In writing that angry and venting post (Yet, highly true account. And I don’t feel that my words were unfair, not at all, in my reaction to the negative situation), I realized something huge. I miss writing my blog and using my words, for all things. I don’t only throw literary punches for my own gain or to defend myself, I’ve also used my words to defend the wrongs and mistakes done against the rights of others, in the current political and social situations within the US. And beside my political rants and political letters, I have used my words in this blog towards healing and encouragement of others also. I have used my words for laugher, of writing humorous anecdotes, and just for fun. I have used my words here to express myself, out of randomness and out of boredom on some lazy summer days.

And because I write for the joy of it,  people like this blog, despite that it’s just one view from one unpublished girl who lives in Philly. My last year stats report from “The Rainpuddle” was a lot flattering, to say the least. I had gotten, 1,300 hits, which is the amount of three 747 Boeing passenger jets. It’s humbling to know that so many people took the time to read what I had to say. :-)

So, I wonder… why did I stop writing here, again? Oh, yeah… my muse, my best friend, went away until the spring and I lost my inspiration to write for the winter. BUT, he is coming back soon, so I had always attended to come back to this blog. My whole idea of writing a novel was just a plan to do something constructive and not mope, while he’s away. And not only did I successfully completed my goal of writing a novel, I completed the goal twice over. Getting the novels published was an impromptu goal, that I threw in on New Years, because I thought it would help speed up my time waiting. And I liked the idea of my best friend coming home to, “Yeah, so I got published over the winter.”, with me giving a pompous shrug and acting all cool about it, “It was nothing.” LOL.

As it stands, I’m still putting off publishing and may never pursue that goal again in the future, but that’s fine! Sure, these jerks of the forum rattled me… but in a different way than just dashing my confidence. I now see what happens when a person forget what writing is really all about (and common human decency too) and I’m afraid that if I keep chasing the publishing path, I may end up like them… jaded and clueless, the light of the real reason for writing all snuffed out. And that’s scary! :-(

Besides, I don’t NEED it to be cool in the eyes of my best friend, other close friends, or family. It was just a simple “want” to be published, not a need, so I’ll live. :-)

I love to write and it’s a huge part of me. And so, I think I’m going to focus on doing what I love to do here. And I have never really advertised this blog, only checking off that little box that’s default for all WordPress blogs, to add this blog to Google’s directory. But that’s it.  Which makes it more awesome that three passenger jets full of people have found my site on their own and liked it, this obscured little blog on the wayside.  Maybe I will list this thing on a FaceBook advertisement page, someday soon. It’s free and easy to do, so I have nothing to lose there. =p

Anyhoo, I am glad that I have remembered what is important, before I ran off and got a swell head and jumped into a corporate world of back-stabbers, highly jealous and snobbish weirdos who feel threaten of other writers, and money-driven maniacs who have forgotten the heart within true writing. Keep in mind, I’m not speaking about the three kind people I met on that forum for a brief second, the two older gentlemen and one cheerful woman who’s a contemporary artist/writer. I do wish them luck in the land of the snobs, if they decide to stick around that sickly forum.

But for me, writing is not about the bottom line, dollar, or cents. Writing is an art-form and comes from the heart, and there is no “one size fits all” tag on what forum or format good writing should come in. The box is just a box, but what’s inside it is what matters the most. And all REAL writers know, feel, and live this. :-)



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