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Seeing The Full Picture

March 22, 2011

The thing with a relationship is that it’s very easy for a person to get caught up in the emotions and not see things for what they are. At least for me, I often get lost in these relationships, friendship or romantic, and lose sight of what is really there. And this is how I get hurt too, because I trust with my emotions and not with my eyes and instincts, a lot of times.

And people do take advantage of this, once they figure this out about me. My heart often steers the boat, but what they don’t realize is, sooner or later my common sense kicks in and the full picture materializes for me. And since I am not one to fall into denial of things, or try to lie my brain from the truth, at that point I face the truth head-on. For me, it’s not a choice to bury my head in the sand and pretend that something that isn’t is a reality, once I realize that it’s something false.

I like to call these moments of lucidity, the “step back” moments. It’s a moment when I step away from my emotions and feelings for a second, and really see the relationship for what it is. And this can be very painful, if I step back and discover that what I thought a friendship really was isn’t the truth. It’s a very bad spiral, that I set up these illusions of what I think a person is based on my heart and emotions, instead of true actions. Words are words. Sure, words are powerful and have the ability to heal or harm, but actions are more powerful than anything else in relationships.

I don’t expect people to have as many actions as I do in relationships. I will be honest here, I tend to go overboard in my friendships and sacrifice much, just because that’s who I am. And that won’t change about me. It’s a pure emotion and action, from within me, and it’s highly honest and without a catch. I don’t sacrifice or be there for a person, with the expectation of that person returning as much as I give out in return. Never. I give a full banquet of friendship, which is most likely too much heart to share with just one person, but I only expect one dish in return. But some get the idea that since I am so generous and kind, that they only need to give me a crust of bread in return. :-/

And without realizing it, I accept the crust of bread like it’s a full meal, and will argue and fight against anyone else telling me otherwise. It’s because my heart and emotions somehow create this illusion that if I add a glass of water to it, from my own tap and glass, it’s a meal. Then my stomach rumbles, still hungry, and I wonder why… And after a while of this, then I have a “step back” moment, seeing that I have been starving all along while they’ve been eating steak!

It’s a very hurtful and devastating feeling, to realize that you’ve been more a friend to someone than they have been towards you. And of course, I speak up in that step-back moment and let my “friends” in no uncertain terms that I am starving and need a meal from them now. Though, you would think that a person would feel some kind of responsibility and conscious, to say, “You’re right, Dani. I’m sorry. Here’s a plate, sit next to me at the table.” But those who take advantage don’t work in that way. In my experience, there is a lot of attitude and the “friendship” becomes a bargaining chip. It quickly becomes, “if you don’t accept this crust of bread, then the party is over. I’m getting up from this table now and going home for good.” And since I am not so desperate and lonely enough to keep accepting things as they are, the table is then flipped over and the fat, greedy, and well fed person storms from the dinning hall permanently.

Metaphors aside (I enjoy writing these long story-like scenes, if you couldn’t tell. =p), my warning is, be sure to evaluate your relationships at the first sign that something is not fair. Your instincts and brains are often a good indicator of the truth. No matter how kind and pure your heart is, the fact is that the world is not so kind or pure, and there are too many predators in the world who will prey on a person’s loneliness and generosity. It’s not always about money, time is a very precious thing too! And once it’s lost, you can’t get that back.

Sadly, with past friendships, I’ve lost both time and money. Though, I’m trying to learn to do better than that and not get swept up in what my heart says, seeing the full picture for what it really is.

-D

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