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Hope After A Storm

March 28, 2011

My Rainpuddle has been a little stormy, lately. I guess it’s part of Spring. Also I had a very awful and rough winter and March. :-/

However, my life is beginning to turn around for the better now and I’m getting back on track. I’m slowly making new friends and finding myself again. I did get lost for a while there… I’m still a little lost. But, things are getting better and better each day. :-)

I’ll spare the drama of what caused me to be lost, in fact it shouldn’t be named here anyways. It’s not important anymore. But there were some drama and it played out in my posts of late, which is fine. This is why I have this blog in the first place, for me to vent and share, not solely for others’ amusement. :-p

But… in my lost moments, things became a lot more clear. I found myself a cool community online, which I can vent more with nicer people who understand me and my disorder. I do suffer with social anxiety disorder, which I’ve mentioned a few times here, but it’s nice to meet others who understand what that means. The site’s VERY cool and I lurk there much. I won’t name it, as it’s my sanctuary and I don’t want a crowd following me there. But, if you are a person who suffer from an anxiety disorder and really want to know where this awesome community is, just leave a comment with your email addy, I’ll try to send you the link. ;-)

Besides that, I’m soon to get out and visit the hair-salon again, which means that I will be pampered and beautified. That always cheers me up a bit… though, I’m dying to ask my hairdresser for a new style. I want to have a rock/punky look to my usual cherry-red dyed hair. Over the winter, my hair grew out, so I do need a new haircut. But with the extra hair,  I’m thinking that I don’t want the usual, but something new. To be continued…

Meanwhile, I’m getting all kinds of kudos and encouragement to not give up on getting my book published. So, of course, I will try again someday soon. I’m just waiting for the right time, at this point. But I won’t wait forever.

My current hopes and goals are for me to focus on myself… to focus on getting myself better within my life. Too many have taken advantaged of me, used and abused, caused so much negativity in my life. I gotta somehow learn how to avoid these con-artists and liars (especially online), to be able to see the wolves in sheep’s clothing, no matter how colorful the clothing is. It’s not good for my psyche or self-esteem, to be fooled and hurt by people, when I know that I am well intentioned and honest always. So, my only answer is to find and be around other honest and well intentioned people, like myself. No more dumpster-diving for me.

I finally got to the point where I feel like I’m somebody and don’t deserve abuse anymore. And it’s not so easy for me to stand up for myself, stick to it and not doubt myself in my decisions, especially if it does mean the end of a friendship. But I have found out that I can say no to abuse and stick with it. And if a person was really a friend, they would hear me and not insist that it have to be all or nothing. For that change, I bet this Rainpuddle is going to be a lot less stormy in the future. ;-)

-D

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3 comments

  1. I’m glad that you still feel hope and have a positive outlook :)

    Maybe your rainpuddle becomes the kind of rainpuddle that children stop at and jump around in, having fun? :D


  2. Thanks, Julia. :-)
    And maybe… as long as my rainpuddle is still and peaceful, I don’t care what kind it will be. ;-)


  3. Still and peaceful is nice of course.. But I hope that there’ll be some joy for you as well :) And I’m sure there will be, one day :]



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