Archive for May, 2011


A Long Hiatus

May 27, 2011

Once again, I’m going through some storms within my life. Last time, I did keep blogging through those storms and muddied The Rainpuddle a little. Hey, it’s my blog to muddy if I feel like it. But this time, I don’t feel like it. :-/

So instead, I’m taking a long break away from writing. Maybe it will only be for a month, maybe the whole summer… or maybe I’ll began to write here again next year. Who knows? What ‘s important to me is that I do what I want to, right now. I have nothing to lose, at this point.

Thanks for reading along with the blog, thus far. If anyone is really reading and not just stopping by this blog to borrow graphics. :-/




The PC Game Graveyard?

May 25, 2011

I often wonder, what happens to PC games after they die? It’s not the games are bad, only with today’s advancing technology, many of our old favorites will not work on the new laptops with faster processing speeds and better video card capabilities. It’s a lot sad, and funny in a way, that a game is forever doomed to a drawer because our new computers are just too good to run the old platforms. :-/

So, here’s my tribute to the fallen PC games that has bought me lots of joy, before technology made them so obsolete. I would still like to play these titles, but alas, they will not work with my good processor, fast memory, and brilliant video card. :-(

– Commander Blood – 1996

This was a very strange, yet fun, first person game with 3-D animation. The plot: you are a commander of a space ship, named Commander Blood (of course), and you work for a guy named Bob Morlock. Bob is a biochemical mastermind and founder of a massive corporation named Kanary. Knowing that his time is ending, Bob’s dying wish is to see The Big Bang, the moment of the universe’s creation. That’s a very tall order, I know, but Commander Blood goes searching for The Big Bang per his dying boss request. On Blood’s trip, he lands on different planets in space, meeting many different and odd space creatures, that reminds me a lot of any Jim Henson movie. It was a very interesting game that kept me well entertained. :-)

 – Shivers II: Harvest Of Souls – 1997

This a horror themed PC game, featuring a series of rock music videos, by a fictional band named Trip Cyclone. It starts off with you, the player, checking into one spooky hotel in a very eerie desert town. An unfriendly clerk at the front desk gives you a message left by someone unknown, claiming “I have your friends, only a warrior can save them.” And your friends are the rock band. You fall asleep in your hotel room, have a very disturbing nightmare about a car accident and a body, and wake up to realize that everyone in town are missing! To find your friends and free the town from a very evil monster, you must follow the rock music videos that hold the clues, left behind by your friends. It’s a very creepy game, but the music is actually kind of cool and puzzles are not easy to solve.

 – Hugo’s House Of Horrors – 1990

There is a series of Hugo games, but the one that I first started out was House of Horrors. It is a very Q-basic style game, using  the arrow keys to move your character and typing in word commands for every action. For example, “open door” to cause that action to happen. But you had to use good common sense and precise directions to get through any board. For the following screen-shot, it starts out that you’re locked outside of the house and the key is located inside the pumpkin. So, the commands are, “get pumpkin”, “drop pumpkin” (thus smashing the  item), “get key” (which was hidden within said pumpkin), “use key” (unlocking the door), “open door”. Yes, it was very tedious, but it kept me a lot engaged, as a teen. Though, I never made it to the ending… and I never will since that game doesn’t work on my system anymore. :-(

I often think about these games, especially as I still have the disks or cd to these games. I often wish to have another go at Commander Blood or to try and get the “good” ending of Shivers II… I had always got the evil ending to that one. But alas, the moment is over. I must mourn the death of these very weird, yet interesting PC games. :-/

Though it makes me wonder… in a few years, will my Sims games become obsolete, with all of the new advancements in computers? God, I hope not! I’d hate to be an old woman, trying to explain to my grandkids of the day, where we had this funny little game called “The Sims 3”. But knowing Maxis, by the time I have grandkids, there will be “The Sims 15”. ;-)

Off topic… Along with my old games are hundreds of floppies full of clip-art! I don’t know why I loved animated GIFs so much, back in the 90’s, but I have around 50 cases of floppies full of them! GIFs for every holiday, season, and subject too! Ah… those crazy times and memories. I’m so much more grown up and sophisticated now… I collect hundreds of jpeg’s from Google images and save it on my usb drive! :-p



Religion As A Weapon?

May 23, 2011

I am all for religious tolerance and rights to one’s beliefs, believe me. And I’m not just a “nay-sayer” to any strict religion, for the fact that I was born and raised within one. Not to mention that I was once an Ordained Minster, once upon a time, and in order to get there I was required to study the whole Bible and know it backwards and forwards. I was never kicked out of the religion or broke any rules within it, but I simply lost my faith within it and walked away from that path. I now make it a habit to not just stick with the knowledge of my current religion (for the past eight years) of Paganism, because of my religious past. Since I do know A LOT of the Christian religion, I do my best to expand my knowledge into other religions as well. Why? Just so I can be aware of other’s beliefs, to be the most respectful, and to not become as ignorant or bias as some do about beliefs that don’t match their own. I fear that I may become closed minded and judgmental of someone’s beliefs, out of pure ignorance and not bothering to learn about my fellow human beings and their dogmas. And ignorance begets fear, which begets hate. :-/

That said… I am a lot disturbed when I witness people using their beliefs as weapons towards another simply because they have no real knowledge about it. I do respect people who are devoted and connected to their spiritual beliefs. But the one thing I can’t accept nor respect are religious zealots, bigots, and extremists. It was religious extremists who decided to crash planes into US landmarks, after all…

Some weeks ago, I had read this very off-colored article online that was suppose to read like a joke. It was titled: “How To Tell If Your Daughter Is A Lesbian” or something like that. I didn’t get through most of the article, because it was written in the view of extreme Christian bias, and even though it was suppose to be funny it was just creepy and disturbing. Especially it’s claims that everything and everyone that supported the rights of the LGBT community was a creation the Christian demon-god named Satan and the overuse of the word “homo-gay”. Which is a highly offensive slur, like any other one out there, like for instance calling a Christian a “X-tian”.  It was suppose to be a joke, shared on a Christian site, but it was in poor taste in my opinion. I shrug my shoulders and scrolled down to the comments of the article, maybe hoping to see someone suggest that the article wasn’t that funny as it was dark… And I probably shouldn’t have done that. :-o

The comments were riddled with readers in debate, both Christian and non-Christians, arguing about fellow human beings. A guy claiming to be a Reverend commented that being gay is a mental disease, which sparked an argument from those who are gay, both Christian and non. And a few straight, but highly devoted to their religion, argued against the Reverend’s  idea too. Yet this Reverend had back up from others, agreeing that a person who is gay is wrong and seriously ill. And one person, in sheer hurt and anger posted, “So, if a person doesn’t agree with your beliefs, then you will deem that person as evil or mentally ill?” And to this the Reverend replied, “It’s not a disagreement against me or my words, but it’s against God and His words.” At that point, I walked away from that site, sickened. :-/

We all have our own religious beliefs, that’s true. But to say to a crowd, “You were born wrong and are an abomination to the human race”, which is what a person is really saying to anyone who is gay, lesbian, bisexual, etc. when you claim that it’s evil or a mental disease, is entirely another thing. But everyone has the right to be a jerk! However, to not stand up for your own prejudice and bias, instead blaming it on a Deity just seems so cowardly to me. I happen to know, a heathen as I am, that the Bible has the rule of “Love thy neighbor” and “Judge not lest ye be judged”. And also the many teaching of how it’s the job of God to pass judgement only, not the job of men. Also, the Bible holds many examples of Jesus Christ who loved EVERYBODY, in spite of their sins. But of course, religious fanatics do overlook this part of the Bible, conviently. And they would be prone to shout out that I am the she-devil who mixes truth with lies. Scary! This is why I avoid religious extremists, as much as I try to avoid the criminally insane. :-p

But, the silver lining is that I know too many real and devoted Christians who aren’t fanatics. And I do have a deep respect for the religion, even if I don’t agree with the dogma one hundred percent. My best friend is a devout Christian, yet we are of different faiths and backgrounds, and we are as close as brother and sister.  So that’s proof that a person doesn’t have to be prejudiced and extreme in order to follow their religion. ;-)

The real evil here is when a person uses their religion as a weapon against anyone that doesn’t fit in with their views or feelings. And quite frankly, I don’t understand how it wouldn’t be considered blasphemy towards any Deity for a person to blame their personal feelings and opinions on their God. Every bit of my blog and opinions expressed here are MINE and mine alone… no God or Goddess has told me to think or feel this way. If I offend some with this article… well, tough! Just stop reading this blog and never return! :-p

But, more to the point, if I do offend it’s by my own doing and not from the words of my religion or Deities. It’s how I feel, in my own words, and not a case of, “That’s what my God said, not me. I agree with it and I will push my agreement with aggression and lack of care or empathy towards anyone else who doesn’t agree with what I agree with… But, if you began to gripe about my attitude, it’s not me… it was Him, the God I serve! You’ll have to take it up with Him!” And for that kind of behavior, I have a very disappointed response of, “Not cool, dude… Not cool.” :-/

I think  Friedrich Nietzsche had a good point, when he quoted, “He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster.” There is so much real evil in the world, that effort can be better spent on fighting against, than to waste time becoming monsters against each other. Just a thought. ;-)




May 20, 2011

This is one of my favorites by “The Cure”, one the major Gothic bands I loved as a teen. I was reminded of this song, while browsing profiles on another site. So, I’m posting it for nostalgia sake. Enjoy! :-)

Whenever I’m alone with you 
You make me feel like I am home again 
Whenever I’m alone with you 
You make me feel like I am whole again 
Whenever I’m alone with you 
You make me feel like I am young again 
Whenever I’m alone with you 
You make me feel like I am fun again 

However far away I will always love you 
However long I stay I will always love you 
Whatever words I say I will always love you 
I will always love you 

Whenever I’m alone with you 
You make me feel like I am free again 
Whenever I’m alone with you 
You make me feel like I am clean again 

However far away I will always love you 
However long I stay I will always love you 
Whatever words I say I will always love you 
I will always love you 



A New Attitude

May 18, 2011

I’ve always been driven towards change and improvement within myself and in my life. I am rarely happy with staying complacent with some aspect of my personality, temperament, spirituality, lifestyle, or general beliefs. I am constantly improving myself, growing, and getting stronger in all aspects of my existence. And where I hope to reach is a place of total inner peace, healthy self-confidence, and better self-esteem.  My major seasons of changing are Spring and Autumn. And this Spring was no different than my previous seasons of changing…

To be honest, I had a very terrible winter, as anyone could tell by my old posts here. And the start of my Spring was a bad trip too. Most of my drama revolved around people, others who shouldn’t have meant that much to me and who didn’t mean me any good in return. During these bleak months, I did take a hard look at all of my beliefs and those around me, as well as a very critical look at myself. Believe me, no one is more harsh and blunt towards me than my own self.

And in all of my honest analyzing, I did realize one important fact about me… I am tired. I am tired of being there for people who aren’t there for me. I am tired of giving power to those who haven’t traveled much further than I have in life, but feel the need to put down and berate me for whatever choice I desire to make. Who are these people, anyways? I realize that many are strangers, who I’ve never met or never connected deeply with, in the first place. So then I ask myself another question, “Why am I wasting my emotions on people that I don’t even know?” :-o

I am also tired of the one-sided friendships that people like to give out, where I am expected to do one hundred things for a person yet have to beg for just one thing in return. I am SO done with that and I can’t be bothered with it anymore. And this goes for EVERYONE, not just the acquaintances or the strangers that cross my path. If my closest friends want to remain close, it’s best that they don’t try this kind of crap with me. Though, my closest friends are so close, because they don’t use me in the first place. So, I doubt they should worry, unless they decide to change up. ;-)

My new change and new attitude is, I’m too tired to play games or keep up with kid-stuff, anymore. Silly rabbit, tricks are for kids! If a person is honest, up front, and fair towards me, I will be the same towards them. If they wish to play a con, to spin a trick, to seek a victim for their one-sided relationships, they will find that I’m not so easy to contend with and I can be quite the bitch. The new attitude is, I don’t care to play nice with those who aren’t willing to play nice with me. If a person offers nothing, then I offer nothing to them in return. If they offer much, then I will offer much. This is how it works now. :-p

I use to worry so much about making others comfortable, to the point of tossing my own comfort into the wind, being complacent with being smashed into a corner somewhere. But not anymore. I hurt too, have issue and crises, have things to vent about (duh, just look around this blog! LOL!),and have my own moody periods in life. My emotions and situations are just as valid as anyone else’s, and if I’m expect to respond, care, understand, and comfort a person in their various situations, then I want a little of that in return as well.

I’m always fair and I don’t expect a person to return back the exact  amount of care that I give out, because I care too much at times! I’m not sure if my level of caring is exactly healthy, but it’s me. And if a person can’t give a little empathy to my own plights (NOT PITY!), then they’re not worth my time or effort in worrying about their situations. I refuse to be a free therapist or life coach! Simple as that.  :-p

So, within this new realization, I have changed a bit in my temperament and interactions with others, since late March. How have the people in my life responded to my change thus far? Well, my close friends (two people I’ve known for years) don’t seem to notice the change or object to it. Then again, they are my close friends for the fact that our friendship has never been one-sided from the start. For them, nothing has changed in my attitude or interaction with them. My family have noticed a little change, in watching my interactions with others, and they are happy and relieved that I am not putting up with undeserved mistreatment from others. :-)

As for many of my acquaintances, they have noticed the change right away! And many were not happy with the change, some huffed away and no longer speak to me, and some  decided to leave me some choice words before they did marched away.

But the crazy thing about it is, I’m too tired to care about the loss of these people and I feel that it is the best thing that has happened for me. Think about it. These people left in a huff, because I insisted that our friendship would not stay one-sided. They wanted my empathy or for me to do things for them, even though they had no intentions of caring about my plights in life. So, what did I really lose? The answer is simple: I lost absolutely NOTHING. And with those emotional leeches gone from my life, it has freed up my efforts and empathy for those who really need and deserve my attention – my real friends and family. :-)

So my point, is not to wave my new found attitude in everyone’s face or to brag, but I feel a need to share this for anyone who may be reaching their breaking point within their own social lives and relationships. I encourage those who are reevaluating their situations, that when one reaches their limit, to just go with your instincts and follow your heart. Don’t twist yourself to worry about the feelings of those who won’t and don’t care about you! The worry of being unfair to those who are highly unfair towards you is a vicious cycle that begets only more pain and discomfort. And abusera will take full advantage of a person who tries to be mindful of the emotions and feelings of them, when they themselves have no empathy for that person in return. :-(

Sometimes, when a person gets tired, it’s a sign that whatever they are doing or putting up with is the wrong approach to a situation. Breaking points and stark realizations of mistreatment within a relationship is your cue to shout, “Enough is enough!” Don’t worry, if you hurt the feelings of the abuser, it is warranted and well deserved for that person. But if you settle for mistreatment and don’t stand up for yourself, then you really do deserve what you get, as you’re choosing to be a victim. :-/

The best thing about my new ‘tude is, I am more carefree and less burden with the baggage from others, which was once piled on top of my own baggage. I have more free time to face my own issue and work them out. So, I’m dealing with myself more these days and working on healing myself. And my close friends and family can experience a happier me, with less drama and concerns of others on my shoulders. ;-)



Bits And Bobs!

May 16, 2011

It’s been a while, since I wrote an “Hello” post. And do have something to share directly to my readers. :-)

As you may have noticed, my posts in this blog has been fewer in numbers. When I first stated this blog, I would write and post Monday – Friday. Back then, I had so much to expresses and share. But lately, I’ve been learning and growing within my life and spirituality, becoming a lot freer then when I had first started this blog. Right now, I’m at a level of feeling good and being lazy with wanting to write. My life is still far from being perfect (as if such a thing exist) and I wouldn’t say that I’m totally content. But at this moment, I’m following the idea within my own spirituality of, “Speak ye little, listen much”. :-p

What I mean is, I will still post here because I love to do so! I will try not to disappear for weeks at a time, like I did so this winter. But when I do post, it will not be a five days a week sort of deal. I have to get outside, away from the computer screen, and into life a bit. ;-)

A dear friend reminded me, that I have had so many negative experiences in my life, since I was a little girl. But, it time for me to experience more positive things within my life now. And she is so very right! It is time! :-)

I have been working a lot on myself, gaining a tougher-skin, changing the way I deal with others or react to situations. So, I am more ready to try to brave the outside world a little more. I do have an issue with anxiety, but maybe somehow I can test it’s limits and see how far I can get, within social situations. After all, I am thirty years old now and it’s about time I try to spread my wings.

But no matter what I get into, in my life’s journey, I will not be closing this blog for a very long while yet. So no need to worry, to the few who do enjoy reading my random rants and raves. I’m still around. ;-)



Calling A Spade A Rorschach

May 11, 2011

I am the type to call a spade a spade, always. I have been that way, since I was a little girl. It’s hard for me to not be honest and call things like I see them. Though, I’m not rude or fee; the need to go out of my way to tackle a person with my opinion. I often come with the disclaimer, “Don’t ask me, if you’re not looking for a honest answer.” And yet, people don’t seem to take me seriously and ask anyway, then get upset with my answers… :-/

Though, the worst part about it is, I never claim to be an know-it-all. I do know something about some things, but all of my spade callings are highly subjective and are bias, based on my own personal experiences and vulnerabilities. And it’s the same deal for EVERYONE on this planet too. We are all bound to be wrong, at least twice (tongue-in-cheek) in our lives. We can’t be right all the time. But, I do believe that I am entitled to my views and opinions, just like everyone else. :-p

The way we see and judge situations, others, and ourselves depend on our own individual experiences. It’s hard to know the “right” or “wrong” answers in gray situations. And you can’t gain a clue from the masses either, being that a whole group of people could be totally wrong together. For example, the “witch-hunt” mass hysteria of Salem Massachusetts or the Nazi war and mass genocide in 1939. Some judgement are harsh and damaging, like racism or bigotry against cultural backgrounds, gender, or religion.

But every day (and less extreme) judgment is a part of human nature, like judging if a person is intelligent, trustworthy, honorable, sneaky, a thief, and so on. Not to say that all judgments, even when not to the extreme, are right or wrong. Because we are human, we are most likely to make mistakes in any and all judgments.

But another dangerous extreme would to be non-judging for ALL things. Sure, it may sound nice to say, “I don’t judge anyone. I’m judgement free!” But, you set yourself up for some really dangerous situations in life  that way.  For example, you may be walking down a dark parking lot one night, and see a towering figure of a man, moving erratically in the darkness.  In order to be non-judgmental, you may ignore basic survival instincts, in order to say, “Who am I to judge? That man may be harmless.” True, he could be just a man heading for his car, just like you are, with no ill-intentions. But in not making a judgement call, or to be cautious, you may not get your keys and pepper spray ready, taking your sweet time to head for your car. And if your non-judgement is wrong, then you’ve just opened yourself up for a very brutal, if not fatal attack.

In other words, both sides of one extreme is never an good idea. You shouldn’t go around naming and labeling everything in life, but you shouldn’t walk around blind either. :-/

In my opinion, calling a spade a spade is much like interpreting an ink blot. Some of us will come up with a similar answer and a few will not. And our answers are always a reflection of our inner selves. There are things such as “tact” and also not offering your opinion if not asked. But if I’m entering into a conversation and a person only wants me to smile and nod and say everything they do is okay, they need to tell me that, before we start. I don’t make a habit of spilling all of my opinions on a person, I know how to pick and choose my battles, and I never aim to crush the spirits of another or to discouraged them! If a person asks I will tell the truth as I see it. But it is only as I see and feel it, not holy writ.

If a person wants me to lie to them, then they’ve picked the wrong person to talk with. And I don’t encourage others to lie to me either, in return. In fact, lying is a very serious offense to me and I’m liable to respect a person less, than I would respect a person for telling me their “truth” on any given situation or subject.

In other words, a person can have the most insane, ignorant, and rudest opinion in the history of the world. And most likely, I would scoff at them and believe that they are totally WRONG in their opinion, but they would still have my respect. Though, a person who hides their true thoughts and feelings, pretending to fit in with an idea or agree with it in public, but hiding behind closed doors with an opposite view, is a coward and liar to me. They lose all of my respect, instantly. And again, this is me calling a spade a spade, my true opinion and thought on the whole matter.It’s okay if others don’t agree with me, I’m not hear and living for masses to agree, and I can really care less if others have an opposing view.  Not everyone has to agree with or accept me. I’m happy to interpret the ink-blots of life, as I see fit to, even if I am alone in my observations. I’m just being honest. ;-)