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A New Attitude

May 18, 2011

I’ve always been driven towards change and improvement within myself and in my life. I am rarely happy with staying complacent with some aspect of my personality, temperament, spirituality, lifestyle, or general beliefs. I am constantly improving myself, growing, and getting stronger in all aspects of my existence. And where I hope to reach is a place of total inner peace, healthy self-confidence, and better self-esteem.  My major seasons of changing are Spring and Autumn. And this Spring was no different than my previous seasons of changing…

To be honest, I had a very terrible winter, as anyone could tell by my old posts here. And the start of my Spring was a bad trip too. Most of my drama revolved around people, others who shouldn’t have meant that much to me and who didn’t mean me any good in return. During these bleak months, I did take a hard look at all of my beliefs and those around me, as well as a very critical look at myself. Believe me, no one is more harsh and blunt towards me than my own self.

And in all of my honest analyzing, I did realize one important fact about me… I am tired. I am tired of being there for people who aren’t there for me. I am tired of giving power to those who haven’t traveled much further than I have in life, but feel the need to put down and berate me for whatever choice I desire to make. Who are these people, anyways? I realize that many are strangers, who I’ve never met or never connected deeply with, in the first place. So then I ask myself another question, “Why am I wasting my emotions on people that I don’t even know?” :-o

I am also tired of the one-sided friendships that people like to give out, where I am expected to do one hundred things for a person yet have to beg for just one thing in return. I am SO done with that and I can’t be bothered with it anymore. And this goes for EVERYONE, not just the acquaintances or the strangers that cross my path. If my closest friends want to remain close, it’s best that they don’t try this kind of crap with me. Though, my closest friends are so close, because they don’t use me in the first place. So, I doubt they should worry, unless they decide to change up. ;-)

My new change and new attitude is, I’m too tired to play games or keep up with kid-stuff, anymore. Silly rabbit, tricks are for kids! If a person is honest, up front, and fair towards me, I will be the same towards them. If they wish to play a con, to spin a trick, to seek a victim for their one-sided relationships, they will find that I’m not so easy to contend with and I can be quite the bitch. The new attitude is, I don’t care to play nice with those who aren’t willing to play nice with me. If a person offers nothing, then I offer nothing to them in return. If they offer much, then I will offer much. This is how it works now. :-p

I use to worry so much about making others comfortable, to the point of tossing my own comfort into the wind, being complacent with being smashed into a corner somewhere. But not anymore. I hurt too, have issue and crises, have things to vent about (duh, just look around this blog! LOL!),and have my own moody periods in life. My emotions and situations are just as valid as anyone else’s, and if I’m expect to respond, care, understand, and comfort a person in their various situations, then I want a little of that in return as well.

I’m always fair and I don’t expect a person to return back the exact  amount of care that I give out, because I care too much at times! I’m not sure if my level of caring is exactly healthy, but it’s me. And if a person can’t give a little empathy to my own plights (NOT PITY!), then they’re not worth my time or effort in worrying about their situations. I refuse to be a free therapist or life coach! Simple as that.  :-p

So, within this new realization, I have changed a bit in my temperament and interactions with others, since late March. How have the people in my life responded to my change thus far? Well, my close friends (two people I’ve known for years) don’t seem to notice the change or object to it. Then again, they are my close friends for the fact that our friendship has never been one-sided from the start. For them, nothing has changed in my attitude or interaction with them. My family have noticed a little change, in watching my interactions with others, and they are happy and relieved that I am not putting up with undeserved mistreatment from others. :-)

As for many of my acquaintances, they have noticed the change right away! And many were not happy with the change, some huffed away and no longer speak to me, and some  decided to leave me some choice words before they did marched away.

But the crazy thing about it is, I’m too tired to care about the loss of these people and I feel that it is the best thing that has happened for me. Think about it. These people left in a huff, because I insisted that our friendship would not stay one-sided. They wanted my empathy or for me to do things for them, even though they had no intentions of caring about my plights in life. So, what did I really lose? The answer is simple: I lost absolutely NOTHING. And with those emotional leeches gone from my life, it has freed up my efforts and empathy for those who really need and deserve my attention – my real friends and family. :-)

So my point, is not to wave my new found attitude in everyone’s face or to brag, but I feel a need to share this for anyone who may be reaching their breaking point within their own social lives and relationships. I encourage those who are reevaluating their situations, that when one reaches their limit, to just go with your instincts and follow your heart. Don’t twist yourself to worry about the feelings of those who won’t and don’t care about you! The worry of being unfair to those who are highly unfair towards you is a vicious cycle that begets only more pain and discomfort. And abusera will take full advantage of a person who tries to be mindful of the emotions and feelings of them, when they themselves have no empathy for that person in return. :-(

Sometimes, when a person gets tired, it’s a sign that whatever they are doing or putting up with is the wrong approach to a situation. Breaking points and stark realizations of mistreatment within a relationship is your cue to shout, “Enough is enough!” Don’t worry, if you hurt the feelings of the abuser, it is warranted and well deserved for that person. But if you settle for mistreatment and don’t stand up for yourself, then you really do deserve what you get, as you’re choosing to be a victim. :-/

The best thing about my new ‘tude is, I am more carefree and less burden with the baggage from others, which was once piled on top of my own baggage. I have more free time to face my own issue and work them out. So, I’m dealing with myself more these days and working on healing myself. And my close friends and family can experience a happier me, with less drama and concerns of others on my shoulders. ;-)

-D

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One comment

  1. A relationship is a two way street and those who do just one way traffic had better get used to it!
    Caroline



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