Archive for the ‘Friendship/Relationships’ Category

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A New Attitude

May 18, 2011

I’ve always been driven towards change and improvement within myself and in my life. I am rarely happy with staying complacent with some aspect of my personality, temperament, spirituality, lifestyle, or general beliefs. I am constantly improving myself, growing, and getting stronger in all aspects of my existence. And where I hope to reach is a place of total inner peace, healthy self-confidence, and better self-esteem.  My major seasons of changing are Spring and Autumn. And this Spring was no different than my previous seasons of changing…

To be honest, I had a very terrible winter, as anyone could tell by my old posts here. And the start of my Spring was a bad trip too. Most of my drama revolved around people, others who shouldn’t have meant that much to me and who didn’t mean me any good in return. During these bleak months, I did take a hard look at all of my beliefs and those around me, as well as a very critical look at myself. Believe me, no one is more harsh and blunt towards me than my own self.

And in all of my honest analyzing, I did realize one important fact about me… I am tired. I am tired of being there for people who aren’t there for me. I am tired of giving power to those who haven’t traveled much further than I have in life, but feel the need to put down and berate me for whatever choice I desire to make. Who are these people, anyways? I realize that many are strangers, who I’ve never met or never connected deeply with, in the first place. So then I ask myself another question, “Why am I wasting my emotions on people that I don’t even know?” :-o

I am also tired of the one-sided friendships that people like to give out, where I am expected to do one hundred things for a person yet have to beg for just one thing in return. I am SO done with that and I can’t be bothered with it anymore. And this goes for EVERYONE, not just the acquaintances or the strangers that cross my path. If my closest friends want to remain close, it’s best that they don’t try this kind of crap with me. Though, my closest friends are so close, because they don’t use me in the first place. So, I doubt they should worry, unless they decide to change up. ;-)

My new change and new attitude is, I’m too tired to play games or keep up with kid-stuff, anymore. Silly rabbit, tricks are for kids! If a person is honest, up front, and fair towards me, I will be the same towards them. If they wish to play a con, to spin a trick, to seek a victim for their one-sided relationships, they will find that I’m not so easy to contend with and I can be quite the bitch. The new attitude is, I don’t care to play nice with those who aren’t willing to play nice with me. If a person offers nothing, then I offer nothing to them in return. If they offer much, then I will offer much. This is how it works now. :-p

I use to worry so much about making others comfortable, to the point of tossing my own comfort into the wind, being complacent with being smashed into a corner somewhere. But not anymore. I hurt too, have issue and crises, have things to vent about (duh, just look around this blog! LOL!),and have my own moody periods in life. My emotions and situations are just as valid as anyone else’s, and if I’m expect to respond, care, understand, and comfort a person in their various situations, then I want a little of that in return as well.

I’m always fair and I don’t expect a person to return back the exact  amount of care that I give out, because I care too much at times! I’m not sure if my level of caring is exactly healthy, but it’s me. And if a person can’t give a little empathy to my own plights (NOT PITY!), then they’re not worth my time or effort in worrying about their situations. I refuse to be a free therapist or life coach! Simple as that.  :-p

So, within this new realization, I have changed a bit in my temperament and interactions with others, since late March. How have the people in my life responded to my change thus far? Well, my close friends (two people I’ve known for years) don’t seem to notice the change or object to it. Then again, they are my close friends for the fact that our friendship has never been one-sided from the start. For them, nothing has changed in my attitude or interaction with them. My family have noticed a little change, in watching my interactions with others, and they are happy and relieved that I am not putting up with undeserved mistreatment from others. :-)

As for many of my acquaintances, they have noticed the change right away! And many were not happy with the change, some huffed away and no longer speak to me, and some  decided to leave me some choice words before they did marched away.

But the crazy thing about it is, I’m too tired to care about the loss of these people and I feel that it is the best thing that has happened for me. Think about it. These people left in a huff, because I insisted that our friendship would not stay one-sided. They wanted my empathy or for me to do things for them, even though they had no intentions of caring about my plights in life. So, what did I really lose? The answer is simple: I lost absolutely NOTHING. And with those emotional leeches gone from my life, it has freed up my efforts and empathy for those who really need and deserve my attention – my real friends and family. :-)

So my point, is not to wave my new found attitude in everyone’s face or to brag, but I feel a need to share this for anyone who may be reaching their breaking point within their own social lives and relationships. I encourage those who are reevaluating their situations, that when one reaches their limit, to just go with your instincts and follow your heart. Don’t twist yourself to worry about the feelings of those who won’t and don’t care about you! The worry of being unfair to those who are highly unfair towards you is a vicious cycle that begets only more pain and discomfort. And abusera will take full advantage of a person who tries to be mindful of the emotions and feelings of them, when they themselves have no empathy for that person in return. :-(

Sometimes, when a person gets tired, it’s a sign that whatever they are doing or putting up with is the wrong approach to a situation. Breaking points and stark realizations of mistreatment within a relationship is your cue to shout, “Enough is enough!” Don’t worry, if you hurt the feelings of the abuser, it is warranted and well deserved for that person. But if you settle for mistreatment and don’t stand up for yourself, then you really do deserve what you get, as you’re choosing to be a victim. :-/

The best thing about my new ‘tude is, I am more carefree and less burden with the baggage from others, which was once piled on top of my own baggage. I have more free time to face my own issue and work them out. So, I’m dealing with myself more these days and working on healing myself. And my close friends and family can experience a happier me, with less drama and concerns of others on my shoulders. ;-)

-D

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Calling A Spade A Rorschach

May 11, 2011

I am the type to call a spade a spade, always. I have been that way, since I was a little girl. It’s hard for me to not be honest and call things like I see them. Though, I’m not rude or fee; the need to go out of my way to tackle a person with my opinion. I often come with the disclaimer, “Don’t ask me, if you’re not looking for a honest answer.” And yet, people don’t seem to take me seriously and ask anyway, then get upset with my answers… :-/

Though, the worst part about it is, I never claim to be an know-it-all. I do know something about some things, but all of my spade callings are highly subjective and are bias, based on my own personal experiences and vulnerabilities. And it’s the same deal for EVERYONE on this planet too. We are all bound to be wrong, at least twice (tongue-in-cheek) in our lives. We can’t be right all the time. But, I do believe that I am entitled to my views and opinions, just like everyone else. :-p

The way we see and judge situations, others, and ourselves depend on our own individual experiences. It’s hard to know the “right” or “wrong” answers in gray situations. And you can’t gain a clue from the masses either, being that a whole group of people could be totally wrong together. For example, the “witch-hunt” mass hysteria of Salem Massachusetts or the Nazi war and mass genocide in 1939. Some judgement are harsh and damaging, like racism or bigotry against cultural backgrounds, gender, or religion.

But every day (and less extreme) judgment is a part of human nature, like judging if a person is intelligent, trustworthy, honorable, sneaky, a thief, and so on. Not to say that all judgments, even when not to the extreme, are right or wrong. Because we are human, we are most likely to make mistakes in any and all judgments.

But another dangerous extreme would to be non-judging for ALL things. Sure, it may sound nice to say, “I don’t judge anyone. I’m judgement free!” But, you set yourself up for some really dangerous situations in life  that way.  For example, you may be walking down a dark parking lot one night, and see a towering figure of a man, moving erratically in the darkness.  In order to be non-judgmental, you may ignore basic survival instincts, in order to say, “Who am I to judge? That man may be harmless.” True, he could be just a man heading for his car, just like you are, with no ill-intentions. But in not making a judgement call, or to be cautious, you may not get your keys and pepper spray ready, taking your sweet time to head for your car. And if your non-judgement is wrong, then you’ve just opened yourself up for a very brutal, if not fatal attack.

In other words, both sides of one extreme is never an good idea. You shouldn’t go around naming and labeling everything in life, but you shouldn’t walk around blind either. :-/

In my opinion, calling a spade a spade is much like interpreting an ink blot. Some of us will come up with a similar answer and a few will not. And our answers are always a reflection of our inner selves. There are things such as “tact” and also not offering your opinion if not asked. But if I’m entering into a conversation and a person only wants me to smile and nod and say everything they do is okay, they need to tell me that, before we start. I don’t make a habit of spilling all of my opinions on a person, I know how to pick and choose my battles, and I never aim to crush the spirits of another or to discouraged them! If a person asks I will tell the truth as I see it. But it is only as I see and feel it, not holy writ.

If a person wants me to lie to them, then they’ve picked the wrong person to talk with. And I don’t encourage others to lie to me either, in return. In fact, lying is a very serious offense to me and I’m liable to respect a person less, than I would respect a person for telling me their “truth” on any given situation or subject.

In other words, a person can have the most insane, ignorant, and rudest opinion in the history of the world. And most likely, I would scoff at them and believe that they are totally WRONG in their opinion, but they would still have my respect. Though, a person who hides their true thoughts and feelings, pretending to fit in with an idea or agree with it in public, but hiding behind closed doors with an opposite view, is a coward and liar to me. They lose all of my respect, instantly. And again, this is me calling a spade a spade, my true opinion and thought on the whole matter.It’s okay if others don’t agree with me, I’m not hear and living for masses to agree, and I can really care less if others have an opposing view.  Not everyone has to agree with or accept me. I’m happy to interpret the ink-blots of life, as I see fit to, even if I am alone in my observations. I’m just being honest. ;-)

-D

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Silver And Gold

April 11, 2011

Over the winter, I found myself in the place of trying to figure out what friendship means to me. I was a lot lonely, for the most part, and I felt the need to make a few new friends. My current friends were all busy, as they should be, living their lives this winter. And I felt a lot like the  kid who was left behind. I hate that feeling and it doesn’t do well for my psyche. I began moping around a bit, in my dark hoodie, and wondering often what my friends where up to.

But I needed to break out of that slump and meet a few people to chit-chat with, this winter. And going out on the town was not an feasible option, in the middle of snow-storms and delayed public transportation. So, I shifted around on the internet, of course. I have written rants before, about the awful web-communities I have stumbled upon and the dysfunctions within those sites, so I had this idea that forums were the right way to go. Well, that may have been true, back in the 90’s… But it isn’t so, anymore. :-/

I had ran into the most dysfunctional weirdos ever. And, that’s saying a lot, as I pride myself as a “misfit”,  “weirdo”, and “dysfunctional”. But now, I’m finding myself rethinking the definition of these words. Is my brand of “crazy” the new sane? And has the behaviors that are often found in asylums become the new “quirky”? I wonder… seriously.

The first forum I joined was a women’s one, since I am a woman (even though I act like a little girl. :-p) and I thought it would be nice to get in some “Ya-Ya sisterhood” -ing. The forum was okay, but a lot cliquish. The women were nice enough, but I got that familiar feeling I had in high-school, where I’m just the new kid showing up to class and have to prove my worth to the group. I did try, but I don’t have that energy or will to dance to the organ grinder at my age, so after a while they ignored me and I moved on. No hard feelings, but I had to search for another forum is all. ;-)

The second forum was a religious one, of the Paganism path, with makes sense because I am Pagan. I was thinking that maybe I could socialize and talk religious ideas, not unlike how people gather at a church. The religious part was fine on this forum, but the personalities of these people were a lot off. I was instantly surrounded by others, inviting me into their clique with no questions asked… but they were a clique of snerts who liked to make fun and crush the spirits of others in the chat-rooms! Yikes! This is not me and I was starting to piss off this group, by encouraging and actually trying to help out the new-comers of the religion in chat, rather than to attack with thick sarcasm and insults. Also, a few very weird people followed me from that forum and onto FaceBook, and they were a lot too clingy and odd. That will teach me to give out personal information to strangers!

Oh, but there’s more drama from this one forum. One guy would log on to chat with me, yet he didn’t chat. He just wanted me to chat and then got weirded out if I stopped and wanted to hear from him within the conversation. And a few others were men desperate for a wife and ogling my picture. There were  a few oddball women too. But one woman was a little too stalker-ish. And I’m pretty sure she was a scam-artist. So, I got the hell out of that forum and removed the followers from my FaceBook. :-/

Then I tried a forum of people who liked to talk about nothing at all and everything at once. Sorta like the very idea of this blog here. And I thought it was a great find, fitting me perfectly. But unfortunately, by the time I found this site, not many posted there anymore… only a few snerts. :-(

The last forum I tried was that writer’s forum. But I won’t rehash that one here. I’ve already did my ranting. ;-)

So, in my attempt to make new friends in forums, I failed and it was a complete waste of time! Not only that, I had gained some extra hurt feelings, crushed spirits, and a deeper lack of faith in humanity itself. :-/

But, the funny thing is, I had plenty of other bonds, of people I’ve chatted with briefly with on FaceBook. They are or were acquaintances. I began speaking with them in passing this winter, as I always do, and something weird happened. A few I have gotten closer with other over the winter. So, I’ve been looking elsewhere, when really the new friends were around me, this whole time. Man, is my face red! :-p

But I also realized, that within life, it’s good to make new friends. But, it’s always important to remember the old ones too! It’s like that old nursery rhyme, “Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver and the other is gold.” And if children can get it right, then we adults should pay attention too! No matter how far I travel, or of the cool people I meet and make friends with, I’ll never forget the ones who have always been in my corner from the start! :-)

And I thank everyone who has been there for me this past winter, that took the time to give me encouragement and strength! You all know who you are, my FB poke-buddies and PM pals. ;-)

And just because it’s spring, it doesn’t mean that I’ll disappear either. Nope!  I’ll always be in touch and on FaceBook, regardless. ;-)

-D

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Online Vs. Offline

April 6, 2011

I noticed with a lot of older people, they are often afraid or uncertain about this technological tool, called the “internet”. For us younger generations who grew up with emails, chat-rooms, and forums, the internet life is a bit more understandable and less frightening to us, not to mention way too easy for us to navigate in. Not to say that the over forty crowd are all technophobic! My mother (won’t mention her age here) is pretty good with the internet and is not fearful of it. She has experienced the joys of chat-rooms, forums, researching with Google, and also social networking sites. And she have made a few good friends online, who are considered as close family friends for years now. I’m thinking of my “Uncle” Guy, as I write this. :-p

Not to mention the many successful over 40 crowd, who are professional bloggers, some that I follow on a daily basis. Also artists who wish to get their work out there to the public or gain some encouragement and tips from others within the artisan world. The internet can be a very useful tool, as much as a cellphone is to most people, for it’s the super information highway. There’s so much to learn, experience, and discover online.

But, when it comes to socialization and relationships on the net, people tend to be divided on the subject. There is a huge debate of online relationships versus offline relationships. The younger generation usually gets it, when I explain that I have a best friend and he’s online. But the older generation  seem to think it’s weird or a wildly foreign concept, to have relationships online. Also they began to question the validity of my friend (that I’ve known for almost two years now) and then the very nasty assumptions began… that I must have an internet addiction. :-/

Not to say that internet addiction doesn’t exist, along with any addiction out there, like over-eating, gambling, addiction to cellphones or PDA’s, shopping addiction, and the usual of alcohol and narcotic addictions. I’m addicted to cigarettes and coffee, but the internet, I am not.

The only difference between online interaction and offline, is hearing the voice and seeing a person’s face.  Though, with services like “Skype” and webcams, a person can see and hear a person face-to-face online too. I have done that before, a long time ago. ;-)

The older generation likes to argue that a person can’t lie or hide as well, as they can online. It’s true that a lot of people hide themselves online and internet predators are very real. However, the same is true for offline. Offline, I once dated a guy who presented himself to me and my family as the stand-up citizen, spoke very proper, and swept me off my feet with his charm. It took three weeks, but I found out the truth about him… he was an ex-convict who had just been released from prison a few months before meeting me, still living with and dating his girlfriend, I was unknowingly the “other girl”. And when I confronted him about all of this, he spoke very “street”, his posh accent gone.

Predators are in both worlds, online and offline, so my tip to everyone is to be cautious and aware, no matter if you’re socializing online or offline. Neither place is different or worse off from the other, when it comes down to it. A person can get hurt, swindled, or tricked online and offline all the same. :-o

Another issue with would be, I think some make the mistake, young and old, that the internet is “just a game”. As most places on the net can offer a person anonymity, some take this freedom to mean that they can say and do whatever they want to other net-users. This is how we get cyber-bullying, chat-room trolls, and forum snerts. But the offenders can not be more wrong on this. On the internet, sure the username is faceless and it may seem like words on a screen, however that’s a real person behind that username, with real feelings and emotions. And words can hurt, if not scar, hence the rash of teenage deaths from cyber-bullying.

The person on the other side of the screen is a human being and not a robot. Let’s hope not! Because that would mean that the machines are raising up and we’re headed for a Matrix-like war! I have dibs on Neo! :-p

And besides the silliness, this is my basic point… the internet is comprised of human beings, therefore things like friendship, romance, heartbreak, loneliness, happiness, joy, and drama is bound to happen within it. These are human emotions after all, and no one stops being human and become machine, as soon as they log online.  So it can’t be helped if our humanity bleeds into cyberspace. I’m not saying that people should give up an offline life and stay in the wire, like some cult-ish chant from the storyline of the anime “Serial Experiments Lain”. The internet can’t replace human touch or some of the wider experiences of life, like traveling to new places and skydiving.

But, I take an offense to those who would wish to discount my friendships online, as not being “real”. They are real to me and I am real to the many people I care to chat with online. And those who are usually quick to discount it are not offering to be a “real-life” friend of mine anyhow, just overly opinionated passersby.  And the best thing is, my friends and associates online are not passersby, or overly opinionated. ;-)

-D

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My Ninja Way

April 4, 2011

I am a slight fan of the anime and manga called “Naruto”. It’s about a little boy named Naruto, who lives within a ninja world and wishes to become leader of his village someday. It’s a very kiddie anime, different from my usual tastes of very serious and more complicated anime. But, it is fun to watch and read, when I need to take a break from the real stuff. ;-)

But, I do relate to the serious themes peppered within this anime… Loyalty, Courage, and Perseverance.  I understand Naruto and his comrade Gaara. Both lived similar lives, of being seen as monsters by everyone else in their respective villages, isolated and ignored. They have both been in the darkness and alone, just yearning for friendship and family, to be loved, accepted, and acknowledged. I understand and have lived through that kind of darkness, all of my life. This is what draws me to the anime the most.

But much like Naruto, I don’t give in to the darkness for very long. I do stand up again, on wobbly legs, and try to reach my dream of having a real friendships, love, and acceptance in my life. I’ve always been a warrior, so I do have my own Ninja Way. :-)

I never go back on my word. If I say I’m going to do something, I’m going to do it! Only when I say, “I don’t know” or “I’ll try”, it’s not a promise and I may not follow through. But if I say definitely, “I will do this!”, it means that it’s going to happen one way or the other. It may take some time, but I never give up until I reach my goal! That is my Ninja Way!

I never leave my friends behind. They may leave me and never return. Or turn on me, stabbing me too many times, and then I’m forced to let go. But, I never leave them and if they should choose to make amends and set things right, my door is always open. Though… people who use friendship as a means to their own ends, or in their foolish attempts to gain more power by using people as pawns in their games, rarely do come back. But, I do not use friendships or people in this way, NEVER. My bonds with another always mean a great deal to me and I never take it lightly. True comrades in life do not happen often or easily, and it’s nothing to take for granted. I never take my friends for granted. That is my Ninja Way!

I may stumble, break down, and fall to pieces when life gets unbelievably cruel or unfair. I may curl up into a ball of tears, lock myself away in darkness, writhe in the pain for a while. But, the one thing about me is, I never stay there forever. I get back up and I try again! I never quit. That is my Ninja Way!

The life of the Shinobi can get a lot lonely at times. It’s tough when you have to constantly fight within life, to watch one’s own back, to come across so many obstacles. I am in no shortage of obstacles and pain. However, sometimes even the most harden warrior can find comfort and peace within a good friend. Gaara was once very lost in the darkness, until he found a friend within Naruto, and he became a better young man for it.

Love can heal all wounds. I hope to find that someday. :-)

-D

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Seeing The Full Picture

March 22, 2011

The thing with a relationship is that it’s very easy for a person to get caught up in the emotions and not see things for what they are. At least for me, I often get lost in these relationships, friendship or romantic, and lose sight of what is really there. And this is how I get hurt too, because I trust with my emotions and not with my eyes and instincts, a lot of times.

And people do take advantage of this, once they figure this out about me. My heart often steers the boat, but what they don’t realize is, sooner or later my common sense kicks in and the full picture materializes for me. And since I am not one to fall into denial of things, or try to lie my brain from the truth, at that point I face the truth head-on. For me, it’s not a choice to bury my head in the sand and pretend that something that isn’t is a reality, once I realize that it’s something false.

I like to call these moments of lucidity, the “step back” moments. It’s a moment when I step away from my emotions and feelings for a second, and really see the relationship for what it is. And this can be very painful, if I step back and discover that what I thought a friendship really was isn’t the truth. It’s a very bad spiral, that I set up these illusions of what I think a person is based on my heart and emotions, instead of true actions. Words are words. Sure, words are powerful and have the ability to heal or harm, but actions are more powerful than anything else in relationships.

I don’t expect people to have as many actions as I do in relationships. I will be honest here, I tend to go overboard in my friendships and sacrifice much, just because that’s who I am. And that won’t change about me. It’s a pure emotion and action, from within me, and it’s highly honest and without a catch. I don’t sacrifice or be there for a person, with the expectation of that person returning as much as I give out in return. Never. I give a full banquet of friendship, which is most likely too much heart to share with just one person, but I only expect one dish in return. But some get the idea that since I am so generous and kind, that they only need to give me a crust of bread in return. :-/

And without realizing it, I accept the crust of bread like it’s a full meal, and will argue and fight against anyone else telling me otherwise. It’s because my heart and emotions somehow create this illusion that if I add a glass of water to it, from my own tap and glass, it’s a meal. Then my stomach rumbles, still hungry, and I wonder why… And after a while of this, then I have a “step back” moment, seeing that I have been starving all along while they’ve been eating steak!

It’s a very hurtful and devastating feeling, to realize that you’ve been more a friend to someone than they have been towards you. And of course, I speak up in that step-back moment and let my “friends” in no uncertain terms that I am starving and need a meal from them now. Though, you would think that a person would feel some kind of responsibility and conscious, to say, “You’re right, Dani. I’m sorry. Here’s a plate, sit next to me at the table.” But those who take advantage don’t work in that way. In my experience, there is a lot of attitude and the “friendship” becomes a bargaining chip. It quickly becomes, “if you don’t accept this crust of bread, then the party is over. I’m getting up from this table now and going home for good.” And since I am not so desperate and lonely enough to keep accepting things as they are, the table is then flipped over and the fat, greedy, and well fed person storms from the dinning hall permanently.

Metaphors aside (I enjoy writing these long story-like scenes, if you couldn’t tell. =p), my warning is, be sure to evaluate your relationships at the first sign that something is not fair. Your instincts and brains are often a good indicator of the truth. No matter how kind and pure your heart is, the fact is that the world is not so kind or pure, and there are too many predators in the world who will prey on a person’s loneliness and generosity. It’s not always about money, time is a very precious thing too! And once it’s lost, you can’t get that back.

Sadly, with past friendships, I’ve lost both time and money. Though, I’m trying to learn to do better than that and not get swept up in what my heart says, seeing the full picture for what it really is.

-D

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Who Am I?

March 21, 2011

I really don’t know of my genealogy and it’s one of those things that bothers me a lot. I often study the cultures of others, I aspire to be a world-traveler someday, and I often make friends with people all over the world with different cultural backgrounds. But… I don’t know of my own roots completely. :-(

I do know my core race, without a doubt, but recently I was clued in that my family’s roots are mixed. We’re not just one race, originating from one homeland, but our bloodline comes from possibly two other races. One of the other races, besides my core one, is most definitely Caucasian. But also we are mixed with Island blood. And that’s the mystery… which Island? :-/

There are so many Islands around the US, also all over the world. Assuming that “The Islands” are around the US, it doesn’t narrow down my family’s bloodline by much. We could have originated from Trinidad, Jamaica, Hawaii, The Bahamas, etc, for all I know. Sadly, the people who knew of my family’s bloodline the most have all passed away. They were trying to impart the knowledge to my mother, her siblings, and cousins… but no one seemed to be interested. Or at least not interested enough to ask the obvious question of, “Which Islands?” D’oh! :-(

So, that leaves the younger generation of my family without answers,  not knowing who we really are and where we came from. And the not knowing part does bother me a lot, because I’m a curious person by nature anyway. I often wonder if who I am is somehow reflective on who my ancestors were. I also wonder if I have other relatives out there in the world, that I’ve haven’t met. I wonder if my past relatives have once faced the same things that I do today, or made strides in things that are important to me today. Did my love of writing come from them? Or the way I care and fight for others, did it come from them?

I have a small facial tick, where I unconsciously raise my left eyebrow whenever I hear something ludicrous, puzzling, or confusing. And the brow raises up when I’m being highly sarcastic or making a very strong point, in conversation. None of my current relatives have this tick, except for my grandmother, may her soul rest. I am curious if my ancestors did this too or if I have other unknown relatives in the world who are raising a brow. =p

There are services out there, that can find the answers and help me track down my genealogy. Only it costs a hefty penny, so it’s one of those things I can’t follow, at this time. But, I do wonder. Every now and then, I come across some profile or questionnaire, that asks me to list my other cultural ties. I know that I’m not just one race, but there’s a huge question mark over which other races are within my blood. There is no check box for simply, “The Islands” on these things.

Maybe someday, I’ll have the answers about my cultural background. I believe, the more that I can learn and understand my ancestry, the more I can strengthen myself. :-)

-D